Love In The Hard

You don't have to pretend everything is fine when your world is spinning.

• Cindi and Patrick Pistelli • Season 1 • Episode 18

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Patrick and Cindi Pistelli share how to hold on when life doesn't slow down, offering comfort and practical wisdom for navigating seasons of emotional overload and transition. They discuss finding peace amidst chaos through trusting God's presence and learning to release control.

• Recent transitions including a new job, children moving, and high school graduation creating a state of emotional overload
• The importance of self-care in the middle of chaos rather than waiting for life to slow down
• Letting go as children grow up and trusting that we've prepared them well
• The unique challenge of vulnerability in ministry positions
• Breaking down overwhelming tasks into manageable pieces
• Finding stillness to hear God's voice during life's storms
• Remembering that our peace and rest matter - "there's no award for burnout"

If you're in a season of emotional overload and ready for support, Cindi is opening spaces for new coaching clients. Visit our website or social media links in the show notes to learn more about working with her through this season.


https://harborofhopellc.org/

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Speaker 1:

Hey friends, welcome to Love in the Heart, where we share our journey of resilience, faith and transformation, diving into raw real-life challenges like overcoming past trauma, self-doubt and building a strong, loving family, all with the hope of inspiring others to see God's hand in their own stories.

Speaker 2:

We are Patrick and Cindy Pistelli, and we are here to remind you that you are not alone. There's hope even when life feels tough, so grab a seat and let's get real.

Speaker 1:

Hey friends, welcome back to Love in the Hard. So we are so glad that you're here with us today, and if you've been listening for a while, you know that we don't come here with everything figured out. We kind of show up with what's real. And what's real right now is that life has been kind of nonstop lately, so we have had so many things going on at once that it's honestly hard to keep up. But it's a season where you know it's just busy and life is happening, and maybe you've been in a season like that too, so where life doesn't slow down long enough for you to even breathe, let alone process anything.

Speaker 2:

And that is exactly where we are right now. In just the last couple of weeks, I have started a new job. Clara graduated high school and started her first job. Chloe moved to Colorado and I drove her car out there to her. That is probably an entire podcast episode on its own the struggling with letting them grow up like that.

Speaker 2:

But it's an incredible opportunity and I loved the time that we had out there, mainly because it was a time to slow down. All the craziness of life here was I was just able to just be present in my time. But life has been hectic and I guess I guess maybe chaos would be a good word to describe how life has been. And so, you know, I spent those couple of days out there with her and then came back on Saturday night and the next day we found out that there had been a terror attack in a place that she and I were. Just the day before we were literally standing in the same place where that attack took place, and so she's safe, by the way, and we are very grateful that God has protected her through that. But that specifically, along with everything else that we have been dealing with, just it shakes you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it really does. And you know, it really kind of hit me differently than I expected. I remember we were, we were sitting in the car, we actually had gone over to Raccoon Lake and we were looking at campsites and looking at the lake and you know, just spending time together. And I saw that come across my newsfeed and I remember saying just you know, oh, you don't want to hear this, because you had literally just been there and you know it's just, it's something that that really just shakes you to your core and obviously, thankfully she's, she's safe, but it still makes you just a little unsettled knowing that that happened there, knowing that you know it's possible that could happen again. You know, and you know we had life that was lifing and as they say, and then that happens, and you know it just kind of pushed me into this kind of maybe emotional overload, kind of maybe emotional overload. You know that, that feeling where your brain just stops and says no, no, this is too much and it doesn't stop there.

Speaker 2:

You have surgery coming up this week, you're trying to finish your coaching certification, still parenting, still working, still pastoring, and none of this is bad stuff, but it's still heavy.

Speaker 1:

None of the life part is bad stuff. The thing that happened in Colorado, that's not so great, that's not so good.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, and you know I don't know there might be somebody right now listening that really just needs to hear this today. And you know, even when it know there might be somebody right now listening that really just needs to hear this today. And you know, even when it's good things that are happening, I mean you know we've got new jobs and big opportunities and these transitions, but it can still feel really, really heavy and it can just really truly knock the wind right out of you.

Speaker 2:

I think we have to be careful. I heard somebody say this once, that we have to make sure that we don't get distracted by the good things and take our eyes off of the God things, and I think that's very possible in life. So today we want to talk to you about what it looks like to hold on when life doesn't slow down. You know, I get the picture of like in an action movie, when the driver like fast and furious he's driving and the passenger is just all you can do is hold on you, you, you are not in control, you're just hanging on for dear life and praying that you make the corner that is coming up. So you know, how do we handle that? When there's not a nice and neat little pause to catch your breath, how do you keep your footing?

Speaker 1:

I think really that is where you know if you're a believer, that is where you have to just trust that God has you through this. And you know life is going to keep moving and we're we're in a fast paced world where things don't slow down. You know we blink and our kids are grown and you know things are happening that are out of our control, just like you were saying. You know you feel like you're kind of on that ride and you have no control, and but we have to remember that you know God is always there with us and he's walking these things with us. And for me, that gives me a lot of comfort and just knowing that I'm truly not alone, that I I have you, I have our family.

Speaker 1:

But you know, and Chloe being out in Colorado, it's like I'm so excited for her but at the same time it's like there are a lot of big mountains out there and you know things can happen and we don't have the safety net of having all of our kids under the same roof anymore. We don't have the safety net of having all of our kids under the same roof anymore and you know that's that's scary, but it's also exciting because we know that he is, uh, just going to work in their life in a really amazing and powerful way if they allow that to happen. So you know, if, if you're out there and right now you're struggling with all of that, we get you. We understand it. So, and we know that that's, that's not easy. So just know that you're not broken. You know, if things feel like they're too much, that's just it's just part of being human.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, I I prayed with Chloe at the security checkpoint before I got on the plane and I'm standing in the middle of Denver airport. And I'm standing in the middle of Denver Airport I was blubbering like a little baby crying because a part of me stayed in Colorado. And it will be the same way when Clara moves off to start her new life and when Annalee moves on to start her new life as well. It'll be the same thing. It's not a sign of weakness. It just, like you said, it just means that we're human.

Speaker 2:

And you were talking about the ride and I had the picture of a roller coaster, and a lot of us love roller coasters and what you love about the roller coaster is you love the thrill and you love the speed and you love the fact that you don't know what's coming next. And it's the best thing when you think you're turning left but you end up turning right and then you're upside down and before you know it, you're going backwards and it's exhilarating. But roller coasters only last a short period of time for a reason, and that's because we couldn't handle it if it went on and on and on, and so really life is not meant for us to handle that pace consistently.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and I think one thing I'm also learning through just all of this is that I can't wait for life to slow down before I really start caring for myself, and I have to be able to do that in the middle of the mess. Because you know, let's be honest if we wait for the perfect time to take care of ourselves or check in emotionally, it's not going to happen.

Speaker 2:

So what's that look like for you right now? I know it's different than how it looked before, so kind of paint the picture for us. What does it look like now?

Speaker 1:

You know, right now it's just like taking a deep breath and it looks like 10 minutes of just breathing, praying, journaling, just having that conversation with God, speaking truth over not just myself, but our kids, our family, our church family, you know, and when fear starts getting really loud, really, it's just putting that back in check and, again, knowing who is in control of all of that, because we are not in control, but he is. And you know, sometimes it's just asking myself is this really even mine to carry right now, or is this something that I can just hand right back to God?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that part that part is so important. We are carrying so many things that God never intended for us to carry. He tells us to cast our cares upon him. He died so that he can carry our burdens. He never intended for us to carry these burdens alone. So you know, especially when it comes to our kids.

Speaker 2:

I remember you asked me right after we heard about the attack in Colorado. You said what would you have done if she had been there? I said I'd be on a plane right now or in the car making the drive, and nothing would keep me from getting there. I wanted to be there with her when that happened. I wanted to do something, but I couldn't, and the reality is she was fine. There were some tense moments after we sent a text message and I called her and she didn't answer. I mean, we checked her location on Life360 and saw that she wasn't anywhere near there, but that doesn't quell the fear. So I had to be okay with not being in control, and that's part of letting your kids grow up. Is that not being in control and trusting that we have trained them up in the way that they should go?

Speaker 1:

And it's just such a hard thing to do. It's easy but it's difficult, like it's it's simple. I won't say it's easy because it's not easy. It's simple but it's one of the hardest things I think, as a parent, you will do, and you know we've been through this twice before. We have two older kids that have already, you know, moved out and they're both married and living their lives and on one sense we can say, you know, they're happy, they're thriving, so we know that there's good things. But on the other side, it's just, it's really hard to let them go. You know, and I think a lot of us are trying to manage all the transitions of life while still pretending that we're fine and honestly it's, it's kind of exhausting. So that's something that I really want to speak into through my coaching as well is just, you know, helping women realize that they don't have to carry all of this alone.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and coaching isn't about having someone fix you. That's not what it's about at all. It's about having someone walk with you and and give you the tools when you're stuck in a cycle that you can't see your way out of. And I kind of I think about when we were out in Colorado and we were hiking these trails and I think we hiked almost seven miles and gained 1,700 feet in elevation over a period of two days, and there were times where we're walking along and you couldn't tell where the trail was. We're in the middle of it, we can't see where it is, but Chloe had an app and the app would tell her where the trail was supposed to go.

Speaker 1:

It sounded like you said Chloe had a nap. A nap, yeah. She just fell asleep in the middle of the mountain.

Speaker 2:

Let me tell you I needed a nap in the middle of some of those hikes.

Speaker 1:

I feel like I need a nap just hearing about it.

Speaker 2:

It was tough, but it would tell us how far we had to go. And sometimes it wasn't good, because I remember the last trail that we hiked you can see the profile and it looks all nice and flat until the last half mile and then it was straight uphill and that was tough, but we had something that could give us some guidance, could give us some guidance. And so sometimes we find ourselves stuck and we just need somebody that can help us to see the things that we're not able to see on our own.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I know, just with myself. I mean, there are so many times where, you know, I can't really put my finger on what is going on. In our last episode we kind of talked about that and how it was there, but it was so buried and we couldn't think about it. And then when I was going through my certification, it really was able to just kind of pull that kind of that stuff out, and on my own I wasn't able to do that. So obviously, you know, we're believers, so everything that we do or we have or whatever we, you know, obviously God has been the one to give us all of that.

Speaker 1:

And so through, you know Christ, and through, but through the coaching certification, I was able to really understand what it was I was going through and I was able to really just kind of almost like just having a third person there to really see what I couldn't and be able to help me out of that. And a lot of that was, you know, they weren't giving me advice, they weren't telling me what to do. I had the answers inside of myself. It was just being able to find them. And, you know, having questions where I'm answering these questions, and it is bringing up a lot of stuff inside of me that needed to come out and, yeah, I think I think that's key.

Speaker 2:

Yeah it, you know somebody to help you slow down, look at what's really going on and then to help you shift it. So if you find yourself in one of those seasons right now where everything is happening all at once and you feel like you're barely keeping up, this episode's for you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So right now I just really want to kind of just take a pause and I want to ask some questions, and this isn't to fix anything, it's just to take notice. And so one of the questions I have is what's something you've been pretending isn't overwhelming you? And I want to ask you that what's something that you've been pretending that isn't overwhelming you? Because I know that you're going through quite a bit right now. You're quite the busy guy at the moment and while I joke that your wife is just slacking off and not working and you're working a couple jobs at once.

Speaker 2:

You didn't warn me. This was Q&A today. What is something that I've been pretending isn't overwhelming me, man, I don't know. I don't feel like I'm overwhelmed right now, but maybe that's just me pretending that I'm not overwhelmed. I definitely think that you know all the change no more high school sports to go watch Clara with Chloe being so far away. I think those things have a tendency to overwhelm.

Speaker 2:

I think that pastoring a church that's probably something that I want to pretend like isn't overwhelming, but the reality is is that it's not easy, because there's a lot that goes into getting ready to preach a message. There's a lot that goes into carrying the burdens of the people that you have the opportunity to serve. And I may not have the opportunity to be there physically, but I am praying every day for the people we have the opportunity to serve and, um, maybe that isn't always evident, but that's a burden that definitely can be overwhelming. And I think sometimes, when, sometimes, when you struggle as a church, I have to stand up there on Sunday morning and Wednesday night and I have to put on this face of. Everything is all right, but deep down I'm struggling and I'm wondering is anybody getting anything out of this. Are people growing? Is change taking place? It's not my job to create change. It's my job to share truth and to let the spirit do the change, but that's probably something that is overwhelming that I just pretend isn't there.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I know that's been something that you've dealt with for a while and obviously I know about it because you know we're married. But that's one area that a lot of people don't. They don't see and they don't see the heart behind it and how you know you're constantly praying for others or worrying about whatever it is they're going through, or just any of it. So, yeah, I could see that for sure. So another question this one's my turn.

Speaker 2:

Oh, okay, yeah, so I get to ask this one, you get to answer this one. Okay, what is one area that you have been white knuckling trying to control?

Speaker 1:

So this one for me right now isn't like I don't feel like I have a whole lot right now that I'm trying to control just because I have been through, you know, just like we've been talking about going through the course, that's helped me to really set specific goals and not try to do everything all at once. That was huge. That was a big thing for me is you know, here I was. It was like trying to get the podcast done and trying to do the coaching, certification and then trying to put courses together and build a business and you know all these different things. And then, of course, obviously you know being a mom, being a wife, being a friend, being, you know, a pastor's wife, you know someone in the church it was like there were so many together when I truly did not. And so trying to control the outward appearance of what people see when inside I was going a little crazy, knowing that I have one month to complete the certification and you know I still have a whole lot to do, that that can really get to you.

Speaker 1:

But you know, when I just surrender the control which you know we've talked about in the past. I have a tendency to struggle with that, but I really feel like in the last probably three weeks or so, there has just been so much clarity that I've gained, and I don't know, it's just, it's been amazing. I've joked with you that, hey, can I just not work at all? I mean just, I just want to be a stay at home wife or mom want to be a stay at home wife or mom and of course we both laugh because we know that I could absolutely never, ever do that there's no way.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, for you know, for a moment it seems nice, and then I get back to reality.

Speaker 2:

So I definitely can see that. I think that that idea of controlling I don't want to say controlling your appearance, because it's not as much that as it is controlling the perception that people have of you I think that is an area that you've been, that you've struggled with, white knuckled the control for a long, long time on that, and so it's. I think that it's. I have seen you release your control on that to some extent.

Speaker 1:

Well, and I think it's because, especially when and you know this when you're in a ministry position, people look to you to have it all together, and of course we know the reality of that is. You know, ministry families and couples they need somebody to lean on as well we're no different than anyone else we're exactly just like everybody else.

Speaker 1:

But when you're in that position, people look to you, you know, to show something different. And I do think that we show something different. But the reality is we struggle with a lot of things and but we're not going to show that to anybody else. We struggle silently, you know, maybe just it's our conversation or whatever, but I think a lot of ministry couples probably go through that exact same thing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think they say that ministry life is a lonely life, and it's not because you don't have any friends. And it's not because you don't have any friends because, I mean, we've got an entire family of people at the church that love us, but, because of the position that we hold, it sometimes feels like we're alone, because we don't feel like we can share things with them, and that can be a heavy burden to bear sometimes, and it's not just us. It is a ministry-minded issue that a lot of people deal with and, as ministry leaders, if we can learn to be vulnerable and share our struggles with our people and not try to put forth this perception that I've got it all together, I think we'll see incredible growth take place in our lives, in our families and in our church families as well.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and the reality is, I think we could probably go to any person in our church and they would just love us through it and not think anything different, you know, because I do think we were absolutely blessed with just an amazing group of people and I'm just, I'm so thankful for that a listener today could do to support you in the middle of all the chaos that you find yourself in.

Speaker 2:

Maybe today it's just saying no to one thing, maybe it's asking for help, maybe it's finally booking that coaching call or just taking 10 minutes to be still. You know, the scriptures teach us to be still and know that I am God. And it wasn't in the earthquake, it wasn't in the fire, it wasn't in the wind that Elijah heard the voice of God, wasn't in the wind that Elijah heard the voice of God, it was in the stillness. And so maybe today you just need to take a moment in the middle of the chaos to be still and listen for God's voice.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and you know there's no award for burnout, so you don't have to prove anything by powering through it, I think. I think so many people do that. We just power through and it's almost like we are we're waiting for, like we're trying to get a gold medal and who can do the most stuff and who can be burnout the quickest, quickest, and you don't have to prove anything. You don't have to do that. I know for myself.

Speaker 1:

Being able to really cut things down into like bite sized pieces really really made a difference, because I was trying to do everything and so my mind was looking at everything I had to do. So my mind was looking at everything I had to do and so when I finally was able to just say, okay, that's just too much for my brain to consume, and then how can I break this down? How can I take one little task and finish it to completion before I go on to something else? And when I was able to really just do that, that helped so much with just clarity and feeling like I'm starting to get some things accomplished.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think it's important to recognize that, while other people need us our kids need us, our spouses need us, our friends need us, our job needs us, our churches need us, our spouses need us, our friends need us, our job needs us, our churches need us we have to understand that we matter too. It's not just what we produce or what we manage, but you, you matter too. I know that when I got on the plane on Saturday night, that I mean I'm not typically going to have a conversation with the people that are in the seat next to me, cindy, by the time they land, she knows their entire life story. She's got their phone number, their best friends on Facebook. I'm lucky if I get their name. I did have a conversation with the guys on the flight next to me, but I never even got their name.

Speaker 2:

But what was important for me was to just take that and just be still and allow all of the things that were going through my mind. You know the fact that there was an ending in Clara's high school career. There was loss in leaving Chloe in Colorado. There was busyness in the things that I knew I had waiting for me. When I came back, I mean I landed at the airport at 1030 on Saturday night and preached on Sunday morning, and so there's all of these things that were going through my mind. But I just took that flight home and I just I looked out the window and I gazed upon the amazing creation that God painted for us and I just allowed myself to feel all the things that I needed to feel. So understand that your peace matters and your rest matters.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, absolutely. So, as we wrap up this episode, I really just want to invite you that you know. If you're in a season of emotional overload, if you're ready to get support, just please reach out. So I am getting ready to start opening up space for new clients and I would absolutely just love to walk with you through this season.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we'll drop the link to our social media and to our website in the show notes. No pressure, we just want you to know that there is a safe space to talk about what you're carrying and to help you formulate a plan to figure out what's next.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and if it's not something you're ready for, like if you're not ready for coaching, you know that's okay to keep listening and keep checking in with yourself and just keep showing up, so you don't have to do it perfectly, but just keep going.

Speaker 2:

All right friends. Thank you for taking the time to sit with us and hold some space today and remember until next time, love is worth it.

Speaker 1:

Even in the hard God bless on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you listen so you never miss a new episode. Please take time to leave a review, especially if you listen on Apple Podcasts. This will help more people access honest conversations about building lasting relationships.

Speaker 2:

Resilience through life's hardest moments and mindset shifts to overcome self-doubt and if you're really feeling it, go ahead and screenshot this episode on your phone and share it on social media. If you're really feeling it, go ahead and screenshot this episode on your phone and share it on social media. Tag us at Loving the Hard on Facebook and Instagram and we'll be sure to reshare your post. Thanks again for listening. No-transcript.