Love In The Hard

Navigating Life's Middle Chapters: Transformation in the Transition

• Cindi and Patrick Pistelli • Season 1 • Episode 15

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Patrick and Cindi Pistelli share their journey through life's "middle chapter" as they face multiple transitions at once, including children leaving home, new jobs, and changing family dynamics.

• Navigating the bittersweet nature of watching children grow up and leave home
• Finding purpose when your primary role as a parent begins to change
• Understanding that times of transition are actually opportunities for transformation
• The importance of leaning on faith during seasons of uncertainty
• Comparing life transitions to a butterfly's transformation in a cocoon
• Embracing new dreams and possibilities when familiar seasons end
• Learning to build new relationships with adult children

If you got something out of this episode, be sure to follow or subscribe to Love in the Hard on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen. Please take time to leave a review, especially if you listen on Apple Podcasts, and share this episode on social media by tagging us at Loving the Hard on Facebook and Instagram.


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Cindi:

Hey friends, welcome to Love in the Hard, where we share our journey of resilience, faith and transformation, diving into raw real-life challenges like overcoming past trauma, self-doubt and building a strong, loving family, all with the hope of inspiring others to see God's hand in their own stories.

Patrick:

We are.

Patrick:

Patrick and Cindi Pistelli, and we are here to remind you that you are not alone.

Patrick:

There's hope even when life feels tough. So grab a seat and let's get real.

Cindi:

Hey friends, welcome back to Love in the Hard. It's been a couple weeks since we've dropped an episode and we've had so many of you check in with us, so first of all I just want to say thank you. It means so much to know that you notice and that you care and that this place is something that really encourages you.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, we've really had a lot going on lately, you know, some big changes. Some of them are hard, some of them are exciting, and so we just kind of wanted to drop in today and talk to you about what it feels like in the middle chapter, because that's exactly what this season feels like for us, and it may be for you too.

Cindi:

Yeah, right now it feels like we're living in between kind of what was and what will be. So we have a lot of life changes coming up. Chloe is actually getting ready to move to Colorado, so she is going to be doing an internship, which is super exciting for her. Chlara is graduating high school this year and she's going to be heading off to college in the fall. And you know, just in the blink of an eye we're looking around realizing that we will literally only have one kid left in school, and she's just going into eighth grade. So we have a little bit of time with her. We have, you know, another five years or so, but you know there's a lot of life changes happening all at once.

Patrick:

Yeah, and Chlara will actually still be at home, but she will be starting college, so the way that her life looks is going to change pretty dramatically. So right now it feels like you know this. It kind of hits you out of nowhere, doesn't it? You know, one day you're shuttling kids to practice and picking backpacks up off the floor. You know, I think it has been, oh man, 20 years that there's been some type of practice, and this is all year long, no breaks. We're running to practice, we're running to games, we're out in the yard playing with our kids. And now you know I say all of a sudden, but it's been in a process that's been going on for 20 years. Sudden, but it's been in a process that's been going on for 20 years. It just seems like you know the next thing you know you're helping them pack up for a dorm room in another city, or maybe even another state.

Cindi:

Yeah, it's really bittersweet because obviously you're so proud of them and you want them, you know, to go out there and spread their wings and to launch and you pray for this kind of growth. But there's also this just quiet ache of closing a chapter that you've loved so deeply.

Patrick:

Yeah, you know this is, it's part of life. We are not intended to keep our children with us at all times. They are like arrows and our job is to train them up, aim them in the right direction and then shoot them off so that they can go do a work that we're not able to do. They're able to go minister to people that we're not going to have the opportunity to minister to. So, you know, there is this change. That is a part of life, but that doesn't always make it easy for us to go through. And in the middle of all that, I just took on a new job. So we are navigating, you know, a whole new rhythm, new expectations and new pressures that come along with that as well.

Cindi:

Yeah, and of course, I've got surgery coming up which always forces me to slow down. I'm right at the end of my coaching certification, so the surgery is not coming at a great time, but it is what it is and sometimes you just feel like everything in your life is shifting all at once. So you know, if you're listening and you're in your own kind of transition, whatever that is whether you're sending kids off to college, whether you've got kids getting married you know, whether you've taken on a job or you've lost a job, whatever it is you know it can be really, really hard when you're saying goodbye to a familiar season. So I just want you to know you're not alone in that. We're sitting right there with you.

Patrick:

Yeah. So this middle chapter, it's tender, it's confusing, it's exciting, but at other times it can just feel really heavy. But here's the truth.

Cindi:

Just because it's uncertain doesn't mean that it's unimportant yeah, some of the most powerful growth happens when you're in the middle. I recently just did a talk on just the life of the butterfly and what that looks like and the middle part is in the cocoon, and so it's dark, it's dreary, you know, it's uncertain, but that's where you're becoming, that is where you are starting to change and you're starting to turn into the person that God called you to be. And it is scary sometimes when you're going through that. It is scary. I just told somebody recently who's going through a hard time.

Cindi:

You know, some of my best times were in the moments where God closed a door and opened something else, you know, and it was unfamiliar. It was scary. There were times that I wanted to just give up. But as long as you put your faith where it needs to be, he's going to get you through that, and a lot of times what I've found in my life is the path that he led me on was far better than what I had been. Not that it's going to be far better than raising our kids, but we get to enter into a new relationship with our kids and that's kind of exciting.

Patrick:

Yeah, it really is. As our kids grow up and maybe they don't need us the way they once did, but the change in that relationship is is really phenomenal. You can look back at the conversations that I have with Tanner now compared to the conversations that I was having with Tanner five years ago about plans that he has and all of these things, and it really is exciting. But that was me, by the way, that you were having that conversation with earlier about going through a time of transition and you didn't know what it was going to look like and it's scary but it turned out well and I love the example of the butterfly. You know we don't think about the cocoon because we don't see anything taking place, but inside the cocoon, man, there is incredible transformation that is taking place as that caterpillar transforms inside the chrysalis to become the beautiful butterfly that it's going to become. It's not easy that caterpillar has to fight its way out of that cocoon in order to spread its wings and fly, and I know you've got some really powerful thoughts on that as well.

Patrick:

But that's that time of transition that we are talking about. We're in this time of transition right now. We are personally and I'm sure that you know, some of you guys are going through a time of transition as well, whether it's you know your new parents, you're moving into empty nesters, a new house, a new job, whatever it might be. Those times of transition are sometimes challenging, but if we will just follow the way that the spirit of God is leading us through the transition, we'll see that the way that we turn out at the end is far more powerful. You know, philippians 1.6 says that he who began a good work in you will carry it on until completion. And we tend to think of that scripture speaking specifically of salvation that he which began that work of salvation in you will continue that work and continue to mold you into his image. But that's not just about our salvation, it's not just about our kids, it's about us too. You know, the reality is that our story, it's still unfolding.

Cindi:

The reality is that our story, it's still unfolding, yeah, and so I have a question for you. Oh yeah, I want to know how you're dealing with this transition, with getting a new job, with Chloe moving away and with Clara graduating, and what does that look like for you going through that?

Patrick:

Wow, it's a lot to deal with. You know this will be the first year not the first year that Chloe has had an internship. She's had an internship, I think, every year since she graduated, but it's the first time that she's going to have an internship where she is not going to be home. So the idea of her moving, you know, 15 hours away, being out there by herself, it's scary. You know we worry about our kids. I know that this opportunity she has is an incredible opportunity. She gets to study the sunspots, which are what creates the Northern Lights. She loves the Northern Lights.

Patrick:

We took a vacation, a spring break, to Iceland specifically for that purpose to see the Northern Lights and we didn't get to see them and we did not get to see them at all. It was an incredible trip but we didn't get to see them. And now she gets to go out and she gets to study these things, and so I am so incredibly proud of her, I'm so incredibly excited for her and my heart is incredibly breaking right now as well, because you know, we had plans. We were going to have the church softball team this summer and Claire was going to be out in left field and Chloe was going to be playing shortstop and I'm going to be playing first base because I can't see well enough to play in the outfield anymore. And so we've got these plans and now, all of a sudden, those are changing. Clara is going to have a summer free, sort of. I mean she's not going to have 14 days a week of volleyball and basketball stuff. For the high school season she's not going to have any of that anymore, and so she's going to be starting college in the fall. She's still going to be living at home, but she's still going to have that, and so that relationship is going to change some.

Patrick:

And now I'm stepping into a new position where the time freedom that I've had is not going to be the same as what it was, and then, on top of that, it's going to cause me to not be able to do some of the work I was doing before, where I was able to go down and see Tanner every couple of weeks. So I lose that opportunity. And then you've got Annalie. That's, she's growing up, she'll be an eighth grader next year, and so, yeah, it's.

Patrick:

It's a lot. There is a lot that is going on, and I guess the way I'm handling that is. I mean, it sounds so cliche, but I just have to trust God that he's going to do his will throughout all of this, you know. Trust that he's going to take care of Chloe out there in Colorado, that she'll find a great church that she can be a part of while she is out there. Trust that God is going to lead Clara to the things that he wants her to do, that he's just going to watch over all of our kids and that he's going to provide for me even in this, this new opportunity. So you guess, yeah, just really, my faith is really being forced to lean on God and to trust Him more in this season that we're moving into, I think that's such a great place to be.

Cindi:

I mean, in the uncertainties, in the, you know the times where we just want to hold on to our kids and keep them home and keep them safe and and that kind of thing. You know it isn't our job to keep them with us forever, it is. You know God gave them to us to raise them and you know, to turn them into, to raise them and you know, to turn them into adults who can go out and live their life and they he has, you know, a purpose for them that's separate from the purpose he has for us, and so you know it's, it's scary, but it's also an amazing time to just really cling to God during that time and and trust him through that. So you know, I know if you're going through that as well. You know it's just these aren't things that are being taken away from you, like you're not being emptied of these things, but you're being repositioned, so you're being refilled with new opportunities, new dreams, you know, and maybe even a new calling.

Cindi:

I know that we have talked about having the opportunity to. You know, once the kids are all gone and you know, on their own and doing well, we would like to move to Florida, and so that's something that you know we've we've had for a very long time, that we've talked about, we've made plans for. I've, you know, put together this five-year plan of what that looks like and and how we do that, and then, you know, you're excited about that. At the same time, there's always that where are the kids going to be, or how, you know, what about when grandkids come, or how are they going to do in this new position? How's Chloe going to do out? You know, away from everyone, for you know, being that far away. And then, of course, with your job that you're taking on, you know it's not like we can just pick up and go, like we're used to. So there are a lot of transitions, but you know it's also, it's also an exciting time to just really just, you know, crawl into Jesus lap and just rest in him.

Patrick:

I think also. I mean, we didn't start this episode specifically talking about being empty nesters, but it seems like that's the direction that we've gone with this so far. It's just it's a time of transition. So that's just happens to be the time, the direction that we've gone with this so far. It's just it's a time of transition. So that's just happens to be the time of transition that we are talking about right now.

Patrick:

And you know, I mean I've been a parent now for 24 years and I'm always going to be a parent. But we only have five or six or seven years left before Annalee is out and on her own. So you know, for me, I'm looking at 30 years of being a parent and it's it's going to be well more than half my life at that point that I will have been a parent. And so we kind of get stuck in this place where that is my calling in life to be a parent. That's what my purpose is Like. I'm to train these kids up. But once that is done and I mean we're always training them, even, you know, even when they're out of the house on their own, their own, and they're married and they've got great jobs I'm I'm still giving Tanner advice. He's still calling me and asking me for advice. It looks different, it's a different kind of advice, but he's still asking for that.

Patrick:

So it's hard sometimes when we step out of that and we're like what's my purpose now? I've lived my life for this, I've lived my life for my kids, and so what happens now that they're out on their own? And so I think it's important that we remind ourselves that our purpose doesn't end, it just changes. So I love what you said about maybe we even get a new calling. We're being invited into something different. It's a different partnership in our marriage, more time to dream again.

Patrick:

And, yeah, we're going to miss our kids. We're going to pray a whole lot more for them. But I think, when we look at the opportunities that you and I have together, while I'm going to miss going to all of the ballgames and the practices, I'm also looking forward to the times that you and I are going to have to walk on the beach. I'm looking forward to opportunities to come back to visit grandkids or have grandkids come and and visit us, and so I just, I, just I love the fact that, even though it's hard, we have to recognize that just because that season ends, it doesn't mean that God does not have another season prepared for us, where he is going to use us in some pretty powerful ways.

Cindi:

Yeah, I just, I remember when obviously I've done this parenting thing a few years longer than you, just because my oldest is 27 and you know navigating that time, when you know it was time for her to graduate and move out of the house and, you know, find her way. That was such a hard transition for me because I was a single parent at the time but at the same time, I was so excited for her to, you know, figure out where she was going in the world and what that was going to look like for her and what career she was going to end up with the people that she was going to come in contact with, you know. So you know it is. It is different, it's it's a different relationship that you have, but it's also an exciting one. And we're so blessed that we get to have five amazing kids and watch their journeys unfold and see them off to these new and exciting things.

Cindi:

And you know, I think, as a parent, all you ever want is for your kids to to pass you up and do better than you did. And I feel like we're seeing that. You know, and that's that's my hope anyway, my prayer, that you know they look to God for comfort that they obviously they're going to call on us because we're their parents. So you know we have a little bit of wisdom that they might not have, but you know, my hope and prayer is that they really truly just ask God you know, guide me and show me, and this path that you have for me, and I don't know, I'm I'm just excited.

Cindi:

I'm excited for all of it.

Patrick:

I'm hoping, though, that we can convince our kids to move to Florida with us, because, you know, that would just that would be our dream, but so, you know, in this time of transition, I think it's really important that we don't rush it, we don't try to avoid the discomfort of it, because it's in that discomfort that God is going to mold us, he's going to grow us, he's going to change us, he is going to transform us.

Patrick:

I think I've shared, maybe, this on another episode, but in the book of Romans, in chapter 12, it talks about the fact that we're not to be conformed to this world, but transformed by the renewing of our minds that we may know what is that good and perfect and acceptable will of God. And that idea of transformation is not just like changing the paint on a house. It's taken walls out, it is completely doing a remodel, down to the studs, and sometimes even more than that. And that's the change that God wants to do in us. It's a total transformation. And so this season of transition is often the beginning of that transformation that God is trying to do in us. And so, in this time of transition, in this season, let it shape you, let it soften you, let it draw you closer to God and the people that you love.

Cindi:

Yeah, and we want to leave you with a few questions to just reflect on this week, because you know your season may look completely different than ours. But write them down or, you know, talk to them, talk, talk about them with somebody maybe that's your spouse or a friend or whoever. But the first question is what part of your life feels like the middle chapter right now? So what part of your life feels like the middle chapter right now? So what part of your life feels like the middle chapter right now? Number two what are you learning or unlearning in this season that you're in? So what are you learning or unlearning in this season? And number three is what new thing might God be inviting you into as something else ends? So that's, what new thing might God be inviting you into as something else ends? So I really want you to just kind of contemplate these questions. Like I said, write them down, talk to a friend or your spouse or whoever. Contemplate these questions, right. Like I said, write them down, talk to a friend or your spouse or whoever, but you know, really kind of go through these, because you know the thing about life is we're all going to go through transitions, we're all going to go through hard times. We're all going to go through changes and some of those are expected, some of those are unexpected. I mean, it's just it's constantly changing, our world is constantly changing. But, you know, write these down and just really kind of figure out where you are right now and what God could be talking to you about through this.

Cindi:

Because, like I said earlier, for me some of my hardest times were the times I changed the most, and that is when I got like the biggest direction, clarification on direction in my life.

Cindi:

And so, had those times not happened, you know I don't know what that would have looked like, because they propelled me into something different. They propelled me into something closer to you know what God had for me. So he just kept taking me down this path and, you know, around every curve was something different. And so, you know, I had to really keep my focus on him through that time to just get me through. And I'm thankful now I say I always say this I'm thankful now that I'm on the other side of some of these things, that I went through them Wasn't so thankful at the time because obviously, you know, a test is it can be challenging, but you know we really want to get to where your test becomes your testimony, and that is so important because somewhere along the way you're going to find somebody that is going through either exactly what you've been through or you know something close and you're going to be able to take on a mentor role for them and help them get through that.

Patrick:

That's exactly what this podcast is all about. You know, we've been talking about this now since we met, almost eight years ago, this idea that these things that we've been through in our life, that were so hard, these things that shaped us and gave us this worldview, that we had, this view of ourselves, this view of other people, that was all part of a transition that God was using to transform us so that we can be here today talking with one another and talking with each of you, you know, to help you walk down this path that you're walking down. Maybe it's not exactly the same as what we have been through, but it's the reason that this podcast exists, because we it took us a while, but we finally understood, understood God used those periods of transition to transform us so that we can be there for you as you're walking on your journey as well.

Cindi:

Yeah. So we just want to really give you encouragement. You know you're not stuck, you're not behind You're, you're in the becoming and you know that's where the good stuff gets planted.

Patrick:

So even if that time doesn't feel like growth yet, it will big transition and remember that, even when the road is unclear and even when everything is shifting around you, love is still worth it, even in the hard.

Cindi:

God bless. Hey friend, thanks for listening. If you got something out of this episode, be sure to follow or subscribe to Love in the Hard on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you listen, so you never miss a new episode. Please take time to leave a review, especially if you listen on Apple Podcasts. This will help more people access honest conversations about building lasting relationships.

Patrick:

Resilience through life's hardest moments and mindset shifts to overcome self-doubt and, if you're really feeling it, go ahead and screenshot this episode on your phone and share it on social media. Tag us at Loving the Hard on Facebook and Instagram and we'll be sure to reshare your post. Thanks again for listening. We'll see you next time.