Love In The Hard
Welcome to Love in the Hard – a podcast about resilience, faith, and finding strength through life’s toughest moments. Hosted by a couple who knows what it’s like to face struggles head-on, we dive into real stories of overcoming past trauma, navigating divorce, blending families, and rebuilding lives with God’s help. Together, we tackle tough topics like self-doubt, entrepreneurship, co-parenting, and how to build a relationship that stands strong through life’s storms.
Join us each week for heartfelt conversations, lessons learned, and the hope that God’s love can transform even the hardest situations. Whether you’re in a relationship, navigating a blended family, or simply looking to overcome personal challenges, this is your place to connect, grow, and find encouragement.
Tune in, share your journey, and discover how to find love, healing, and purpose – even in the hard.
Love In The Hard
You Are Not Your Darkness: Finding Hope in the Midst of Depression
Depression feels like a fog over your heart and mind—a weight that makes even the simplest tasks like getting out of bed feel impossible. In this deeply personal episode, Patrick and Cindi Pistelli explore what depression really is beyond clinical definitions, offering a compassionate perspective for those suffering and those supporting loved ones through the darkness.
We unpack the various origins of depression—from brain chemistry and trauma to chronic stress and spiritual exhaustion. Depression isn't just about having a bad day; it's a complex interplay of mental, emotional, and physical factors that can affect anyone, regardless of circumstances. Those experiencing depression aren't weak or lacking faith—they're facing a real struggle that deserves understanding and support.
For faith communities, we address the harmful misconception that depression indicates spiritual failure. Even biblical heroes like David experienced profound despair, flooding his bed with tears and feeling forgotten. Your relationship with God can remain strong even when your emotions feel broken. You can love Jesus and still need therapy; you can trust God and still feel tired in your soul. The God who walks with you on the mountaintop remains just as present in your darkest valley.
Whether you're personally battling depression or supporting someone who is, this episode offers practical wisdom and heartfelt encouragement. For those in the depths, we emphasize that this isn't the end of your story—there is light ahead, even if it's just a flicker right now. For supporters, we explain why your presence matters more than perfect words. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can offer is simply sitting in silence, checking in consistently, and reminding them they're not a burden. Share this episode with someone who needs to hear they're not alone in their struggle.
https://harborofhopellc.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/466839235913252
Hey friends, welcome to Love in the Heart, where we share our journey of resilience, faith and transformation, diving into raw real-life challenges like overcoming past trauma, self-doubt and building a strong, loving family, all with the hope of inspiring others to see God's hand in their own stories.
Speaker 2:We are Patrick and Cindy Pistelli, and we are here to remind you that you are not alone. There's hope even when life feels tough, so grab a seat and let's get real.
Speaker 1:Hey friends, welcome back to another episode of Love in the Heart. Today's episode is one that we have actually had requested by our listeners. Today we're going to actually be talking about depression. So not just the word depression, not just the clinical side, but the very real experience of walking through life with what feels like a fog over your heart and over your mind. So if someone you know has been there or maybe that's you right now, maybe you are in depression right now I just want you to know that so many people are walking through this with you and there is nothing wrong with you. You're not weak and you're definitely just not alone in this. So this episode is meant to feel like a warm hug, a deep breath and a moment of clarity in the middle of the mess.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I guess first of all we need to talk about what depression actually is, because in reality there is just so much confusion, and to some extent even shame, that surrounds it. Depression is more than just sadness, it's not just that I had a bad day. It's a mental, emotional and physical state that affects how we think, how we feel, how we move, how we connect with others. So from a brain science perspective, depression is actually many times caused by a chemical imbalance, particularly low levels of serotonin, and that's a neurotransmitter that will help to regulate mood, sleep and even how we process pain. So we can think of serotonin kind of like your brain's little peacekeeper. When it's low, everything feels overwhelming, dull or hopeless. But it's not always just about brain chemistry. Depression can also come from trauma, chronic stress, grief, unresolved emotional pain or sometimes even spiritual exhaustion, and sometimes it's a mix of all those things. But here's the kicker you can have a good life and still feel depressed.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So let's talk about something that a lot of people wonder about but might be too afraid to ask, and that is how do people even get depression? Like, where does it actually come from? Is it just in your head? Is it because of something that happened? Is it spiritual? Is it your hormones? And the answer, honestly, it can be all of the above. So there's no one size fits all when it comes to depression. It's a layered thing, so it's very personal and for most people it's just a combination of things. So first I want to talk about the biological side.
Speaker 1:Your brain uses chemicals like serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine to help you feel balanced, motivated and emotionally steady. So if those get out of whack, it can seriously impact your mood and energy. So it might make you feel tired all the time. You might just feel like you know your light has gone out and you just don't know how to turn it back on. But sometimes it's just a natural imbalance. Sometimes it's just a natural imbalance. Sometimes it's genetic. Depression can run in families. That does not mean you're damaged.
Speaker 2:It means your brain might process things a little differently, and that's okay through things that maybe we haven't fully processed Childhood wounds, abuse, betrayal, grief. Sometimes depression shows up because your heart is still holding on to pain that it never had a safe place to release. It's like emotional clutter building up until it becomes just way too heavy to carry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and let's be real. You know we're living in a world that glorifies hustle and productivity and pretending like everything is fine. But when you're always pushing and always pouring out and always just trying to hold it together, that can catch up with you. So you wake up one day and realize you just don't feel like yourself anymore. You're exhausted, you're irritable, you're numb. I went through a phase where it was just hard to get out of bed and I know in talking to other people, they struggle with the exact same thing. They just don't know how to get up and, you know, get going for the day, so they just stay home, they avoid people and they don't get out.
Speaker 2:I think a lot of this is a function of our society.
Speaker 2:I saw an ad the other day I don't remember if it was on the computer or on TV or where it was, but it said something to the effect of if you are looking for work-life balance in your career, a lot of companies will not look at you as a good candidate because they don't feel like you're committed to the company company.
Speaker 2:And that idea just really amplifies the chronic stress and burnout that so many of us feel. And I'll also say that this is a big thing when it comes to ministry and it's something that I've experienced and I know a lot of pastors that have experienced this as well because as a pastor, we're always pouring out into other people and in reality there's not really a lot of places that we have that we can go to. You know, release the things that we've taken in. As we've poured out to help other people, we're also taking on some of the things that they are dealing with. And you know, if you don't have a place to process and someone that you can process those things with, the weight really does become almost unbearable and it makes it difficult to just keep going on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think from that side of it it really does just wear on you after a while. You know, even though you absolutely love the opportunity that you get to talk with people and work with people and just be there for them, after a while that can really start to just wane on you. So hormones are another big part of this postpartum. When I had my first daughter, I struggled a lot with postpartum depression and that was that was tough. So I know there are other people that struggle with this really badly and actually need medication for it. Thankfully I didn't have to have the medication, but it's a huge thing Miscarriage, autoimmune flares, anything with your thyroid, so even vitamin deficiency. Your body and your mind are so deeply connected, so if something is off physically, it can absolutely impact your mental and emotional well-being.
Speaker 2:This is something that we have definitely had to work through together, because I know that you have had a lot of these issues with miscarriage, with not the postpartum with me, but autoimmune flares, all of those things you have experienced, and so we've actually walked through this together.
Speaker 2:Right On top of those things, there is a spiritual layer that comes with depression as well, and I don't want to over-spiritualize this, but I do want to be really real that there's an enemy out there that he would love nothing more than for all of us to believe that we are unworthy, unlovable, we are broken beyond repair, and depression can become a battleground where those lies start to sound like truth. But I want you to hear this God's truth is louder. Even if it feels faint right now and you're not able to hear it, you're not too far gone. Psalm 34, 18 says that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saved those who are crushed in spirit. That means that even in your lowest moment, he's right there, closer than the shame, the fear or even the fog so how do people get depression?
Speaker 1:so you know, we've kind of talked about it already a little bit, but from trauma, from stress, from their biology, from deep soul wounds, from the weight of pretending that they're okay, feeling too much or nothing at all. Um, you know, whatever the root is, depression is real and the healing for that is definitely possible. So, you know, I want you to realize that you are allowed to feel what you feel, you're allowed to ask for help and you're allowed to heal, slowly and gently, you know, and just put one foot in front of the other.
Speaker 2:So I guess really, in order to kind of continue this conversation, it's important for us to understand how we can help someone who's struggling with depression, and I think for me I have. I've never really experienced depression that I know of. I've had days that I've been down or maybe I've been sad, but I've never really experienced that deep, heavy depression where you don't want to get out of bed, you don't feel like doing anything, you don't even care if you go on. I guess that's it's a blessing that I've not experienced that, but I know, like we've already talked about that that is something that you've struggled with. So how do you help someone that you love who's walking through depression? I know that it's it's hard to know what to say, and the reality is is that words are not going to be as impactful to someone that is walking actively in depression as what we might want to think they would be. So maybe you feel helpless or scared, maybe even afraid that you'll say the wrong thing. But here's what we have to understand it's not our job to fix that person that we love and listen.
Speaker 2:As a guy, this is tough, because guys we're fixers. That's what we do. We are here to fix things. If the plumbing breaks are here to fix things. If the plumbing breaks, I'm there to fix the pipe. If the car has a problem with it, I'm here to fix the car. Maybe not me, but I can point to the people that can fix the cars.
Speaker 2:That's not my strong suit, but when things break, we want to fix those things and we have a tendency to try to fix those people in our life who are struggling with depression, and the reality is that's not what they need. What they need is just for someone to sit with them in the silence to check in, even when they don't respond. Let them know that they're not a burden, even if they've had to cancel the plans again. So if you're going to say anything, say things like I'm here for you. It's okay to feel this way right now. I'm not always good at those things, but it is really, really great advice and one of the most powerful things you can do is to listen without trying to offer solutions. Depression can make people feel isolated and unseen, and just our presence our calm, loving, nonjudgmental presence can be such an incredible lifeline.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think this one honestly goes back to when we were talking about grief and how people feel very uncomfortable with it. So if you are around somebody with depression, it can be really uncomfortable when you're not in it, because you don't necessarily know what to say. You know that nothing you say is going to be helpful, and sometimes they just kind of look at you with a blank stare and you can tell that they're just not, it's not getting in. So you know, it's just one of those things where, like I said, people are uncomfortable with it. However, this is such a huge thing right now in our society comfortable with it. However, this is such a huge thing right now in our society and I think it's very, very important that we understand just how to be with somebody who has this because depression.
Speaker 1:You can literally be in a room full of people and feel completely alone, and you can even you know I, I'm, I'm guilty of this, I'm, you know I can talk to you, I can smile, I can do all the things and then basically go home and not get out of bed for three days. So, like I said, I'm not really in that now, but I definitely went through a time where that. That was it, and it didn't matter if somebody reached out. They would text me, they would call whatever. I just ignore it. So you know, check in with them, though when they're not responding they need you to check in. Even if they don't want you to check in, they need you to check in. So you know, if you're somebody who has gone through it, you can kind of understand where they are and knowing just. You know that nothing you say or do is really going to help pull them out of that. But sometimes just being there and being that friend and saying, look, you know what, I'm just going to sit with you and I'm not going to leave, even though I'm going to make you mad, I mean, don't overstep your boundaries, but you know what I mean, you know, but just let them know that you're there. You know. If you're the one going through this, I just really want to say this with my whole heart that I see you and I hear you and I am so sorry that you're going through what it is you're going through. So you know you might feel like you're stuck in a pit, or you know you might feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is just too far. But I am gonna promise you right now this is not the end of your story. So I want you to know this, I want you to believe this that there are people out there who can help and that you know can help you heal.
Speaker 1:But if you need some ways to kind of start climbing out, even if that's just one tiny step at a time, you know, when I was going through it, I remember writing myself a list get out of bed, take a shower Like these were my to do list for the day, go to the kitchen, eat something and it sounds so crazy, but when you are that far into it, just some of these things are so vital. When I was heavy into the depression, there were weeks that went by where I had all the blinds closed in my house and I had an air mattress in my living room and that's where I stayed. I didn't talk to anybody, I didn't get out, I didn't see daylight. I was so far into it and that was a horrible place to be. But you know, if you're going through this, don't be afraid to talk to someone a therapist, a counselor, even, you know, just a friend. It's so important not to isolate.
Speaker 1:When you're in this, say one kind thing to yourself every day, even if you don't believe it yet. And honestly, the most important is pray. You know God is with you. Even when you can't feel it, he is there. So you know, I don't care if it's a messy prayer, I don't care if it's an angry prayer. I't care if it's an angry prayer, I don't care if all you say is God, I just need you pray, invite him into that, because you know, sometimes that's what we need. We need to just be able to feel his presence, we need to just be able to sit in that. And you know what? If medication is something, you please know that. There's no shame in that. So, taking care of your mental health, that's so important to do.
Speaker 2:So I know we talked about the spiritual layer of depression a little bit earlier, but I want to take just some time and talk about faith and depression. This one is big, especially in Christian circles, because there's this idea out there that if you're struggling with depression, your faith just must not be strong enough. And that's just not true. Faith and depression are not mutually exclusive. You can love Jesus and still need to talk to someone about the things that you're going through. You can trust God and still feel tired in your soul. So depression is not a lack of faith. It's not the fact that my focus just isn't in the right place. As we've talked about, there can be chemical imbalances that can cause it. It can be the fact that we've held on to trauma. There can be a lot of things that play into it. You can believe in healing and still take medication.
Speaker 2:David in the Psalms. In Psalm 42, 5, he said why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? And then also in Psalm chapter 6,. I'm going to read just a couple of verses here. David says Return, o Lord, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love For the dead. Do not remember you. Who can praise you from the grave.
Speaker 2:I am worn out from sobbing All night. I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief. My eyes are worn out because of all my enemies, are worn out because of all my enemies. If that's not a picture of someone who is struggling to With depression, I don't know what is. So understand that even the heroes of the faith had moments of deep, deep despair. God isn't disappointed in you for feeling this way. He's not far from you. The Bible tells us in the 23rd Psalm, you know, which we typically think of as being a psalm of despair because we're walking through the valley of the shadow of death, but I will fear no evil. Why? Because you are with me, your rod and your staff. They comfort me. You anoint my head with oil. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, and surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all of the days of my life. So understand that he is with you in the depths of your valley just as much as he is with you on the mountaintop.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and just some final thoughts here. If you're listening right now and this episode feels like it is speaking directly to your heart, I just want to say don't give up. You know, not today, not ever. You are not your diagnosis and you're not your worst day and you're not the darkness you feel. So you know, I promise you there is light on the other side of that. But you got to hold on to get through that, and I'm a firm believer that God turns our pain into purpose.
Speaker 1:So, even if you're not in a place where you can do that right now, really start thinking about. You know, once you come out on the other side of that, what did you learn from that? What going through that? You know what? How can you help somebody else through that? Because now that you've been through it, now that you're on the other side of that, you know we can help other people that are really stuck in in that pit. So you know, friend, I just want you to know that you are so loved and you are so needed and you are held by God and by the people who care for you and by this little space that we've created together here. So you know, I just want to say, if no one else has told you today I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for getting out of bed. I'm proud of you for brushing your teeth Heck. I'm proud of you for breathing and just for being here, because I know that that can be tough sometimes. So, you know, I just want you to keep showing up and keep going.
Speaker 2:So that light will return, even if it's just a flicker right now. And for those of you that are maybe not walking through depression personally right now, but you know somebody who is just be there for them, and if you think that the things we've talked about here today can be a benefit to them, can be a blessing to them, then send this episode onto them. Let them know that they're not alone, that there are people that have experienced what they're experiencing, and maybe not exactly the same way, but we've walked through those difficult paths too. So you know, we just want to thank you for spending this time with us today. Please share this episode with someone who might need to hear it, and if you're in a place where you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out to a professional or someone that you trust. We were never meant to do life alone. So until next time, be gentle with yourself, because you're worth it, and remember love is worth it, even in the hard.
Speaker 1:God bless, hey friend. Thanks for listening. If you got something out of this episode, be sure to follow or subscribe to Love in the hard. God bless, hey friend. Thanks for listening. If you got something out of this episode, be sure to follow or subscribe to Love in the Hard on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you listen, so you never miss a new episode. Please take time to leave a review, especially if you listen on Apple Podcasts. This will help more people access honest conversations about building lasting relationships, resilience through life's hardest moments and mindset shifts to overcome self-doubt and if you're really feeling it, go ahead and screenshot this episode on your phone and share it on social media.
Speaker 2:Tag us at Loving the Hard on Facebook and Instagram and we'll be sure to reshare your post. Thanks again for listening. We'll see you next time.