Love In The Hard

Wrestling with God: Finding Hope in Anger

• Cindi and Patrick Pistelli • Season 1 • Episode 9

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Anger at God might be one of the most taboo emotions in faith communities, yet it's a universal human experience during seasons of suffering. Patrick Pistelli flies solo in this vulnerable episode, diving deep into what happens when we find ourselves furious with the divine.

The catalyst for this conversation was a powerful encounter Patrick had during a home inspection with a man whose life story was marked by devastating losses—his mother at 18, followed by two sisters, all while praying for healing that never seemed to come. This man's raw anger toward God mirrors what many believers secretly harbor but fear to express.

Patrick dismantles the myth that being angry at God is sinful by showcasing biblical figures who brought their unfiltered emotions directly to their Creator. David's tears soaking his bed, Job speaking from the bitterness of his soul, and Elijah's complaints after Mount Carmel reveal that God isn't threatened by our honest emotions—He welcomes them.

What truly matters isn't the presence of anger but what we do with it. Patrick offers a roadmap for processing these difficult feelings: acknowledge your pain without pretense (God already knows what's in your heart), redirect your anger appropriately (understanding suffering's true sources), bring your hurt directly to God instead of just venting to others, remember God's true nature even when pain distorts your perception, and actively seek heart healing.

Perhaps most powerfully, Patrick reframes his own sister's death, recognizing God's unexpected mercy in her passing—sparing her the ongoing pain of missing her child's milestones and allowing her the ultimate expression of motherhood by giving her life for her son. Sometimes God's healing looks radically different than we anticipated.

Are you wrestling with anger toward God right now? Know you're not alone. When life feels unbearable, try "running toward the roar"—moving toward God rather than away from Him. That's where true healing begins.

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Patrick:

Hey friends, welcome to Love in the Hard, where we share our journey of resilience, faith and transformation, diving into raw real-life challenges like overcoming past trauma, self-doubt and building a strong, loving family, all with the hope of inspiring others to see God's hand in their own stories.

Patrick:

We are Patrick and Cindi Pistelli, and we are here to remind you that you are not alone. There's hope even when life feels tough. So grab a seat and let's get real. Hey gang, welcome to another episode of Loving the Hard.

Patrick:

Cindi has been dealing with some physical ailments over the course of the past several days, so I am flying solo today, but I think the thing we're going to talk about today is really powerful and really necessary, and it seems like God has had us in this place pretty frequently over the course of the past several weeks. Cindi and I went to a conference one day last week and this was the topic of the conference. It's where God led me in the message on Sunday morning, and then today I had a really unique and incredible encounter during one of my home inspections. So it seems like this is just a place that God has us right now. So today, what I want to talk to you about is something we don't like to talk about, and that is being angry at God, because you know, the reality is there are just times and there are seasons in our life when it just feels like life is not fair. So maybe you have experienced a season like this in your life and in those moments we're left wondering you know God, where were you in the midst of my pain? Why did you let this happen? Do you even care what happens to me? So listen, I get it. I have wrestled with those same questions myself and you know what? Here's what I know God is not afraid of our emotions and he isn't shocked by our pain. So today we're going to unpack. You know what to do when you're mad at God, how to process those emotions without guilt, what the Bible actually says about bringing our pain to him. We're going to look at some practical steps to deal with all of those. And then I also want to take some time today and talk about not just how we can deal with those issues ourselves, but how can we be there for somebody else that is experiencing this kind of pain.

Patrick:

So today, the inspection that I was at, I had a conversation with a man who was there. He wasn't my client, but he was there at the inspection and as I was finishing up just out of the blue, he looked at me and he said up just out of the blue. He looked at me and he said do you believe in God? And I looked back at him and I said I'm actually a pastor, so, yes, I do believe in God. And he began to share with me this story of his life, and I'm going to tell you this was a man who had experienced some stuff, and he told me I hope that you are able to share my story and at the time I had no clue that it was going to be today and in this forum that that story would be shared.

Patrick:

But he lost his mom when he was 18 years old. She was a woman of faith and he didn't understand, and so he was angry at God, but he still continued to try to serve him. And then he lost another sister. He was actually there in her presence when she passed. And then just recently, this past December, he had another sister that had passed away and he prayed and asked God for healing for them, and God didn't answer the way that he thought he should.

Patrick:

And so I'm telling you, the animosity that this man had toward God was incredible, and maybe even more than animosity, it could almost go so far as to say it was a downright hatred towards God. So this is a man who was asking these questions, and it's a difficult place to be in. And really what he wanted to know is he wanted to know why, you know, why didn't God answer the prayer when he trusted? Why did the healing not come? Why did the healing not come and why is it that when he was walking in faith, that life still fell apart? I was able to share with him some parts of my own story, and I shared with him the story of my sister and how we had prayed for healing and it didn't seem like healing came, and I think there are some things that we need to understand when we experience these types of issues in our life. So I don't know about you, but I kind of grew up with this, thinking that being mad at God was a sin. I mean, he's perfect and he's holy and he can't make mistakes, so for me to be angry with him would have been, you know, like a terrible sin. I felt like I had to just take my emotions, I had to bury them deep inside, I had to slap a smile on my face and I had to walk around saying God is good all the time and all the time God is good. But I want you to know that, if we actually take a look at scripture to know that if we actually take a look at scripture, what we're going to find is that God invites honesty. It's a character trait that he deeply desires.

Patrick:

We could look at David in Psalm chapter 13, verse number one, when he was crying out how long, lord, will you forget me, forever? I think. Elsewhere in the Psalms too, david is in an utter emotional and spiritual pain and he says all night long, my bed swims in my tears. Night long, my bed swims in my tears. This was a man who experienced some deep grief and some deep pain, and maybe we like to look at David and say, no, he was the one who defeated Goliath. I mean, he's the giant slayer, so he couldn't have experienced these things. But if you look at David's life, david lost a child as a result of the sin with Bathsheba, and he had a daughter who was raped by her brother. He had a son who tried to take control of the kingdom from him. These are the people that are closest to him that were experiencing pain or sometimes even causing the pain. So David's life was anything but, you know, blessed in that regard. He was a man who knew some pain and he wasn't afraid to let God know, when he was hurting, job literally lost everything in a matter of moments. While one messenger was still speaking, another messenger came with another account hey, all of your livestock is gone, all of your possessions are gone, all of your children are gone. All at one time. And in Job, chapter 10, verse number one, job says this I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.

Patrick:

We can look through the scriptures and we can see that there are accounts where people were honest with God, even Elijah, after he had won a great victory there on Mount Carmel, and Jezebel had threatened his life. He ran out into the wilderness 40 days and he was hiding in a cave. And God came to him and spoke to him. And Elijah's response was God look, I have served you and I'm the only one left. Nobody else is here to serve you except for me. And God reminded him no, there are 7,000 that have still not bowed their knee to Baal.

Patrick:

But the important thing about that is that Elijah wasn't afraid to you know, share with God what was really on his heart. So understand that. There's nowhere in the Bible that it says that we have to fake being okay. In fact, what God wants us to do is to come to him, hurt in pain, suffering, angry, bitter whatever emotion you can think of. God wants to see it. So understand that that anger is not necessarily the issue. It's what we do with that anger that determines how we're going to come out. So do we turn away from God and do we let the bitterness grow, or do we bring it to him and give him the freedom to work in it?

Patrick:

So if you're feeling angry with God right now, here are some things we can do to kind of persevere through that.

Patrick:

First of all, to kind of persevere through that, first of all, don't be afraid to acknowledge your pain, don't be afraid to acknowledge your anger, don't be afraid to acknowledge your bitterness.

Patrick:

In fact, the reality is, if you don't acknowledge it, you can never move on from it. So you know, don't pretend that you're okay, because here's the reality. God already knows what's in your heart. You might be able to put a smile on your face and go to church or go to your friends or be with your family and everything looks like it's okay. But man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. He already knows what's in our heart. So can you imagine how ridiculous we sound when we come before God with a heart that is pained and angry at him and in bitterness of soul. And we're coming and we're trying to praise and we're trying to worship him, in the midst of all this, and God's looking at our heart and he's like look, I know you're mad, just tell me, Don't be fake. I want genuine, sincere honesty. That's what God desires from us. So if David and Job and Elijah, if they could be honest with God why, can't we?

Patrick:

So In your prayer time, don't be afraid to let God know what you're feeling. Write it out in a journal. Do something where you can get it out and say God, I'm mad, this doesn't feel fair, I don't understand why. Ask God those questions. Secondly, redirect your anger.

Patrick:

The man that I spoke with today was incredibly angry with God. He felt like God was responsible for all of these things that he had been through in his life, all of the pain that he had been through in his life, all of the pain that he had experienced, all the suffering. And the reality is that he had been through so much that he was at a breaking point. He didn't feel like he could go on anymore. And the reality is that he doesn't really want to and he doesn't understand why God is still leaving him here. And what I tried to convey to him is that God is still leaving you here because he's not done with you and he has not given up on you. Yet you, yet His belief was, as is the case for many, many people, this idea that, because God is all powerful, he should stop all pain and he should stop all suffering in the world. We shouldn't have to experience the things that we experience, and so, because of that, god must be at fault. But here's the truth of the matter, the reason that we suffer pain and hurt and heartbreak. One of the reasons that we experience those things is because of our own choices and our own decisions. Sometimes we go through suffering because of decisions that we have made. Sometimes we experience these things because of decisions that other people have made, and that doesn't seem fair, but that's the reality of the situation. And then sometimes we experience suffering and pain in our lives just simply because we live in a fallen world. We live in a world that is wracked with sin. It wasn't the way that God created it, but it's the way that it ended up now, and the question that came up today is if God is all-powerful, why doesn't he stop all of that? The answer to that is because he gives us free will. I can lead and guide and direct my kids. I can tell them this is the way to go, and if you walk in this path, then your chances for success are much higher. But the reality is I can't force them to do that.

Patrick:

Sometimes, as parents, we have to just sit back and let our children make their own way in this world and sometimes we can look back and we can say, oh, I can see that this is going to cause them some pain and we could step in. But we choose not to because we understand that this experience is something they need to go through so that they can learn the lesson that they need to learn. So that's the way that God is with us. Could he step in? Absolutely he could step in and he could force us to do these things that maybe are against our will. But that's not who he is. He is a good father and, as a good father, he's going to hurt, with us when we hurt, but he's going to allow us to make our own decisions.

Patrick:

So we have to make sure that our anger is directed at the right place, which is not God. He is not responsible for our pain and our suffering. He didn't create a world to experience pain and suffering. In fact, what he did is he created a world that was perfect, and when we fell into pain and suffering, god devised a plan so that there will be a day that we don't have to experience the pain and the suffering anymore. So you know, just make sure that your anger is directed at the right place, and that is not at God. Third, bring your hurt and your anger and your pain to him, not to other people. Venting to friends is good, but true healing only happens when we bring it to God.

Patrick:

This man that I was having the conversation with today he was talking with me, but then there were times where he would just he would stare off at a certain place which was off to his right and up towards the ceiling, and in those moments where he was looking that direction, he was directly addressing God. He was having a direct conversation with God. And that may sound strange to hear that, but I'm telling you that when I was there, he wasn't talking to me anymore, he was talking to God. It's okay to bring your frustrations, and he would make the comment that it probably seems strange, but what I told him is that I actually think this is very therapeutic and healing for him, because he wasn't putting on any pretenses. He was being real and he was being genuine and he was telling God how he felt.

Patrick:

Tell God what you're feeling and ask him what do you want me to see in this? See, that's a big mindset change that we have to go through Instead of looking at it as though I'm the victim. What will help me is if I look at it and say, all right, god, what are you trying to show me in the midst of this? What are you trying to teach me about who you are? What are you trying to teach me about who you are? What are you trying to teach me about who I am? Because, in reality, if we're angry and that anger is coming out, what that is showing us is that that is what is already deep within my heart. You know, if you put a tea bag and a cup of water and you pour some hot water in it, what comes out? Tea, because the hot water activates what is already in the bag. So, if we find ourselves in these times of struggle and suffering, of um, struggle and suffering and the anger is what is coming out, it's only because that's what's already deeply rooted within our hearts and the hot water is just bringing the tea out of the bag. So don't be afraid to bring it to him and then go back to who God actually is. And then go back to who God actually is.

Patrick:

You know, maybe you've heard the saying that fear is a liar, but pain is also a liar Pain, changes the way that we see the world around us. It tells us that God doesn't care, but God says differently. God's word says he is near to the brokenhearted. That's in Psalm chapter 34, verse number 18. See, god isn't punishing you, he isn't distant, he is still a good father.

Patrick:

So the man that I was speaking with today, he made the comment that God had unleashed his hounds from hell to pursue him. And that was the view that he had of who God was. And I said understand this, you're right, god has unleashed his hounds to pursue you. But it's not those hounds that you're talking about. The enemy has those hounds. The enemy has unleashed the hounds from the depths of hell to pursue him and to overtake him. But God has also released his hounds. They're named goodness and mercy. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.

Patrick:

And then, as you go on to the end of that Psalm, the Psalmist finishes that by saying surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. And that word follow is more than just you know, like stalk from a distance. It is the idea of pursuing with a purpose and with a passion and with a desire to overtake. And so what that man needed to understand today is that God is pursuing him, and the fact that he and I were having that conversation today, that is evidence that God was pursuing him. It was a divinely ordained appointment that he and I had today, and I didn't bring this conversation up. He brought it up to me. So that tells me that he has a heart that still wants to believe that God is who he has learned in his youth, who he is. Go back to who God actually is, because he is still a good father. Just because he doesn't answer the way that we think he should doesn't mean that he's not good. His wisdom is infinitely greater than ours. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and his ways are higher than our ways.

Patrick:

And I shared this story with them about my sister and how I asked the question God, why, why did this have to happen to my sister? All she wanted in life was to be a mother, so I don't understand why this had to happen. And the answer that he gave to me just today, as I was having the conversation with this man, was this he said I allowed her to be the greatest mother because she gave her life for her son. Is that not the epitome of love, of a mother's love willing to give her life for her son? And I told this man that we prayed for God to heal her, and he did. Ultimately it was a complete healing, where she's no longer suffering with all the physical ailments that she had, but she doesn't suffer with sin anymore either. She's been freed from that, and in our minds we would still want to have her here, but this is something I never considered until I was having the conversation today.

Patrick:

Can you imagine what her life would have been like if, after two years or four years or ten years however long it was that she came out of that state in which she lived and she had to go through her life with the constant reminder that she had missed all of those special milestones in her son's life First words, first steps, all that bonding time in those first few very important years of his life that she would never get back, and even though none of this was her fault, can you imagine the guilt and the pain that she would feel? See, when God took her home, he healed her from that and we don't want to think that, because our hearts are broken and we are suffering and we are in pain, but God healed her in such a way that was far greater than anything that we could have ever possibly fathomed. So go back to who God actually is and then ask him to heal your heart. See, you don't have to have it all figured out today. Pray, even if it's just God. I don't understand the Lord. Please help me to trust you again. Healing it's a process and it's okay to take it one step at a time.

Patrick:

I heard something at this conference that we were at last week and the man that was speaking his name is Davey Blackburn. He has a podcast called Nothing is Wasted. I would encourage you to go and follow that podcast called Nothing is Wasted. I would encourage you to go and follow that. He's an incredible man of faith with an incredible story of tragedy and triumph, and he says that in the midst of his pain, he learned to run to the roar and he shared this story that the male lions are not the ones who go out and hunt the prey. It's the female lions that actually go out and hunt the prey. The male lion, his job is to stand back and to roar, and the prey is afraid of the roar, and so their natural instincts are to run from the roar, which actually directs them to the pride that is hunting them. So the reality is in order to be safe, you have to run towards the roar.

Patrick:

What does it mean to run towards the roar? It means that we run towards God and we allow him to do the work in our hearts, because the Bible tells us that it is by his stripes that we are healed, and that's the only way that true healing is going to come forth. So those are some things that we can do to overcome the pain and the hurt and the anger. Really, because that's what we're talking about it's how we overcome the anger that we might feel as a result of the pain and the suffering that we have experienced. But now, what does it look like? If I'm not the one who has experienced it, but someone close to me has? What does that look like?

Patrick:

I think, first of all, we have to understand that our job is just to hold space. Sometimes, all someone else needs is to know that they're not alone, because in the midst of our pain and suffering and our anger, we feel like Elijah did, where we say I'm the only one, and God had to remind him you're not the only one. Job felt like he was alone, and then his friends came and they sat with him for seven days. Sometimes that's all somebody else needs is just to know that they're not alone. They don't need to hear our words, because the reality is they're probably not going to remember the things that we say anyway. What they need is just to have somebody there with them to know that they are not walking this journey alone. So what can I do? I can just be there to hold space. I can be there to be ready when they're ready to talk. Maybe I'm just a shoulder to cry on, maybe I'm somebody that can take their mind off of all of the things they're struggling with for just a short time. But my job is just to be there and just to hold space.

Patrick:

So I don't know exactly what it is that you might be going through right now, but I know this. I know your pain doesn't mean that God has abandoned you. The fact that you don't feel God is not an indication that his presence is not there. He's promised us that he will never leave us or forsake us, and if he, his name in the book of Genesis, as he's speaking to Hagar, is El-Hohi, which means the God who sees me, god sees you and he cares, and even in the moments that don't make sense, he's still working. So, if you're wrestling with this today, I want you to know that I'll be praying for you and, in fact, right now, I want to take the time right now. I know we don't do this very often, but I just want to take the time right now and to pray over you.

Patrick:

So, father, today I come before you in the name of Jesus, by whose stripes we are healed. And, lord, I don't know who is listening to this today, who is hurting and suffering and in pain, and maybe is angry, or maybe they're full of bitterness, and maybe they're at the point where they're ready to give up on you. Lord, I don't know who that is, but, father, I pray right now that, in this moment, that your spirit would meet with them where they are, in a very powerful way. Lord, I pray that they would know that they have been wrapped up in the arms of a God who loves them, a God who is pursuing them endlessly, to the ends of the earth. Father, I pray that you would remind them that you're near and that you're working, and that, even when life doesn't make sense, you are still there. I pray, father, that you would fill them with a peace that passes all understanding. And I pray, father, that you would help them to trust you again.

Patrick:

And, father, these are the things we ask, in the name of Jesus and amen. So I hope that these things that we've talked about, I hope that they hit home. I hope that it has been a help to you and if it has been, or if you're struggling with these things and you want us to pray for you, reach out to us on Facebook, send us a message, find some way to get a hold of us, because we want to pray with you, we want to pray over you and we want you to know that we'd love to be there for them too. We believe that God has allowed us to experience what we've experienced in our life so that we can help people that are struggling with the things that we've struggled with, that are walking the path that we have already walked. So, until next time, know that we love you, that we are praying with you, and know this that love is worth it Even in the heart, god bless.

Patrick:

Hey friend, thanks for listening. If you got something out of this episode, be sure to follow or subscribe to Love in the Heart on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you listen, so you never miss a new episode. Please take time to leave a review, especially if you listen on Apple Podcasts. This will help more people access honest conversations about building lasting relationships, resilience through life's hardest moments and mindset shifts to overcome self-doubt.

Patrick:

And if you're really feeling it, go ahead and screenshot this episode on your phone and share it on social media. Tag us at Loving the Hard on Facebook and Instagram and we'll be sure to reshare your post. Thanks again for listening. We'll see you next time, Thank you.