Love In The Hard

Unraveling Fears: Transforming Procrastination and Perfectionism into Empowerment and Success

• Cindi and Patrick Pistelli • Season 1 • Episode 5

Share episode

Send us a text

What if the very fears meant to protect us are actually the ones holding us back? In this episode of Love in the Hard we, Patrick and Cindi Pistelli, unravel the intricate web of self-sabotage that entangles both our personal and professional lives. We open up about Cindi's fear of success, which traces back to childhood, and Patrick's battle with the fear of failure, driven by past experiences and the pursuit of perfection. Through our candid discussions, we aim to shed light on how these fears manifest as procrastination and perfectionism, two common culprits that prevent us from seizing opportunities and achieving our goals. Our stories are not just confessions but a rallying call for listeners to identify and dismantle their own self-sabotaging tendencies.

As we navigate the path to breaking free from these destructive patterns, we emphasize the power of questioning the validity of the beliefs that fuel them. Transformation starts with the smallest of shifts, challenging the fears that have kept us stagnant. We explore the significance of having a supportive network and placing trust in a higher power to guide us through change. This journey is not one to be traveled alone, and we stress the importance of seeking support for lasting growth. By sharing our experiences, we hope to inspire listeners to embark on their own transformative journeys, creating ripples of positive change throughout every aspect of their lives.

https://harborofhopellc.org/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/466839235913252

Cindi:

Hey friends, welcome to Love in the Hard, where we share our journey of resilience, faith and transformation, diving into raw real-life challenges like overcoming past trauma, self-doubt and building a strong, loving family, all with the hope of inspiring others to see God's hand in their own stories.

Patrick:

We are Patrick and Cindi Pistelli, and we are here to remind you that you are not alone. There's hope even when life feels tough. So grab a seat and let's get real.

Cindi:

Hey everyone, welcome back to Love in the Hard. If you caught our last episode, we talked all about self-sabotage in relationships, how we sometimes push people away, build walls or tell ourselves stories that keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns. But today we're flipping the script and we're talking all about self-sabotage in business and how it shows up with our success.

Patrick:

Let me tell you this is a big one. So, whether you're an entrepreneur or you're stepping into a leadership role, you're just trying to build something meaningful. Maybe it's just trying to run your household. Self-sabotage can sneak in and completely derail you without you even realizing it.

Cindi:

Yeah, and we're not talking about theory here. We both struggle with this in very different ways. So I have a fear of success and you, dear, have a fear of failure, and both of those things have held us back in ways we didn't even realize at the time.

Patrick:

Yeah. So let's start by getting real about our own struggles, because if we've wrestled with these things, we know that some of you have too.

Cindi:

Yeah, for me. I've always had this deep rooted belief that I can't be successful unless I look a certain way and logically I know that that's not true. I know plenty of successful people of all shapes and sizes, but somewhere along the way I tied my worth and my ability to succeed to my weight.

Patrick:

And that belief has held you back right.

Cindi:

Absolutely. I would self-sabotage, honestly, without even realizing it. So if things started to go really well, I'd find a reason to pull back, so I wouldn't go all in, because of my mind, Success meant being in the spotlight, and that terrified me. So a big part of that fear came from what I saw growing up. I saw success, but I also saw pain that came with that. I saw success, but I also saw pain that came with that. I saw how success could lead to control and just pain in relationships. And so, deep down, success wasn't something that I wanted. Success was something that I truly tried to stay far away from.

Patrick:

Yeah, and my struggle has always been the fear of failure. I grew up feeling like I had to be perfect, and my parents' divorce really shaped that belief like failure wasn't an enough or that I was somehow less because of it. And I want to be very clear about something here my parents are not the cause of this fear and they never did anything to make me feel like I had to be perfect. My dad has been gone for 18 years and my mom and bonus dad have been amazing. They couldn't have done anything to make me feel any different. That'd have been amazing. They couldn't have done anything to make me feel any different Because this is just the way that the enemy attacked me, to keep me from stepping fully into what God created to me to be, and that worked for far too long.

Patrick:

So, rather than risk failing and becoming a failure, I decided it was easier just to not try, and this is how that played out in my life. See, I love to sing and it was always my dream to be a singer. So years ago I got in contact with a record producer and talked to him and he told me to send him a recording and he would tell me what he thought if I had a shot or not. And so once all of the excitement of it wore off and my reality began to set in, I decided that the reward wasn't worth the risk. So I didn't do anything about it. See, it was better for me, or easier for me, to think that I could have done it rather than to find out that I couldn't. So that pattern followed me into business and into relationships and really into every area of my life. I wouldn't go all in, because what if it didn't work? What if I wasn't good enough? Because what if it didn't work? What if I wasn't good enough? And what if I failed?

Cindi:

Yeah, and that's what's so interesting about self-sabotage is we both self-sabotage, but mine made me afraid of succeeding and then yours made you afraid of even trying, or because of the fear of failure made you afraid of even trying or because of the fear of failure. So either way, we both ended up stuck and we both ended up not going all in the way we could have Exactly, and that's the thing about self-sabotage it doesn't always look the same for everyone.

Cindi:

Okay. So let's talk about some other ways that self-sabotage creeps in, because you know, maybe if you're listening and you don't resonate exactly with what our struggles have been, but you're still stuck. Here's a few ways that self-sabotage can show up. In business, this can show up in procrastination. Procrastination is actually a trauma response. This shows up a lot in business and in relationships and different things. So, with business, if you have big goals and you keep putting off the things that could actually move the needle forward, so you tell yourself that you know you're researching or you're waiting for the right time, but really all you're doing is avoiding action. You're avoiding anything that could help you out. And the thing with procrastination is, the more you wait, you're not actually going to gain any more knowledge for what you have, but you're going to become just more frustrated. The other thing is perfectionism. So you spend so much time trying to make something perfect that you never actually put it out there. So you keep adjusting it, you keep redoing it and you literally just never launch it. This comes up a lot for so many entrepreneurs and just a lot of people in general. But the next one is something that we are probably going to do an entire episode on because it's so big and this is called imposter syndrome. So, guys, imposter syndrome is something that every single person deals with, whether you are brand new, whether you've been in business for a while. You know I've seen this with with six, seven figure earners and I've seen it with people just starting out. So you know, you finally get an opportunity or something that you've been praying for and all of a sudden you start doubting yourself. You know, who am I to do this? I'm not good enough to do this, I don't have enough experience, or you know whatever that is, and then all of a sudden you completely pull away and try to sabotage that. So, like I said, this is huge and again, we're probably going to do an entire episode on it, because every single person I know has dealt with this at some point in their life.

Cindi:

Another is undercharging or just not charging at all. I have shared before how I didn't feel confident enough to charge for my massage business when I had that, and I found it even in coaching where we just don't charge at all. So we love what we do, but struggle to charge anything for it. So you discount yourself before before people even ask, because you really just don't believe that you're worth it. And another thing is that I struggle with personally avoiding visibility. So you know you need to market yourself, you know you need to show up on social media or you know you need to show up in person. You know you need to do the networking, but you hold yourself back because putting yourself out there feels scary.

Patrick:

Yeah, Listen, I have been guilty of not just a couple of these, but I think every single one of these. And here's the thing Most of the time we don't even realize we're doing it. We think we're just being careful or we're not ready yet, but in reality we're just scared.

Cindi:

Yeah, so how do we get past this? Because that's the goal, right, not to stay stuck in these patterns, but we want to break free and move forward.

Patrick:

Yeah. So here's some things that have helped us and we hope that they help you too. Number one you have to identify the root belief. So you've heard me say before, and probably will say again, that we have these belief systems that our experiences have created within us, and not all of the things we believe are actually true, specifically the things that we believe about ourselves. So the first thing we have to do is identify the root belief. Ask yourself what am I afraid will happen if I succeed, or what am I afraid will happen if I fail? Get to the root of your fear.

Patrick:

Number two challenge that narrative, start questioning that belief. Is what I believe actually true or is it just something that I've carried with me from the past? Take a look at some of those things and experiences in your past and see if reality holds up to what you believe, and then take small, brave steps. Don't wait until you're ready, because the reality is you're never going to feel ready, so just do the scary thing anyway. And then get around the right people.

Patrick:

You have to surround yourself with people who encourage you, who push you and they remind you that you're capable and this is probably the most important thing Pray and trust God. This has been the biggest one for us. We had to surrender our fears, whether it was fear of success or fear of failure, and trust that God has already prepared that path ahead of us. Just the reality of doing this podcast is something that I don't think either one of us on our own would put ourselves out there like this. But we know that this is what God has called us to. So, no matter how challenging it is, no matter how difficult, no matter how many obstacles stand in our way, we just have to push ahead because this is what God has called us to do and we just have to push ahead, because this is what God has called us to do.

Cindi:

I also want to go back real quick to something you said, and that's get around the right people. I think this is very, very crucial, especially in business, because you typically become the sum of the five people that you're closest to, and so if you look at your group of people who you hang around, you're going to be pretty close to you know. However, they do things. So it's very important to surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up, people who are going to encourage you, people are going to point you, you know, in the right direction. So, whether that's a business mentor, just a friend or you know whoever that is, really make sure that you are putting yourself in the right groups of people. So, and then you know, we know that there's a saying that how you do one thing is how you do everything, and so if you notice, some of the, some of the things that will help you break free from self sabotage in business are also the same things that will help you break free from self-sabotage in business are also the same things that will help you break free from self-sabotage in your relationships, because you typically do things the same way in every aspect.

Cindi:

So the more that we've looked at our own struggles, the more that we've realized that you know how true that really is. So if you're procrastinating in your business, chances are you're procrastinating in other areas too. Maybe that's your health, maybe that's your relationships or, you know, maybe that's even in your finances. So if you struggle with perfectionism in one area, it's probably showing up everywhere. In one area, it's probably showing up everywhere. Self-sabotage is just like that, so it disguises itself. As you know, I just need more time or I'm just being careful, but the reality is it's a pattern that affects every part of our life.

Patrick:

Yeah, I think back to how I held myself back from my dreams because I was afraid of failure. So that same pattern showed up when I didn't go all in on other opportunities too. It wasn't just in business, it was every facet of my life. I would hesitate before making a decision, overanalyze everything, and you know dear as well as I do that when it comes to making decisions, I struggle with that. You will ask me what do you want to eat? And my answer is the same every time I don't care, it's whatever you want. And part of the truth is I'm really not picky, I will eat whatever. But a bigger part of that response is simply what if I'm wrong? What if what I choose isn't the right choice? Well then, that means that I've been a failure yet again. So it's easier just to not give an answer at all. It's easier to just not do it at all, as opposed to taking the risk of failing.

Cindi:

That makes me laugh when we're talking about dinner. But I get the. I get. The root of that is just fear of you know, maybe messing up or not having the right answer.

Cindi:

So you know, in fear of success and the belief that my weight dictated my worth, it wasn't just about business, and I've seen that in other aspects of my life as well how I show up for opportunities, how I've navigated relationships all of that is connected and that's why breaking free from this in one area can have a huge ripple effect in every part of your life.

Patrick:

So if you're listening today and thinking, man, I do this in my business or in my relationships or in my home, that's a good thing to notice, because you have to recognize it before you can change it. And when you change it in one area, you'll start to see that transformation in every area of your life.

Cindi:

Exactly so. Instead of thinking I need to fix my business habits, start thinking and start learning how to shift the way you show up for everything in your life. You know, just take note of it your business, your health, your relationships all of that is tied together. So when you stop self-sabotaging in one area, you really will start to see that you're having breakthroughs in every area in your life and the best part, you don't have to do it alone.

Patrick:

We are still on this journey, too, and we're here to walk it out with you.

Cindi:

So if you're struggling with self-sabotage, just know that so many people are going through this. You know self-sabotage is just it's huge in our society. So just know that you don't have to stay stuck. You can break free and you can step into what God truly has for you.

Patrick:

Yes and listen. If this episode spoke to you, send us a message. We love hearing from you guys and we are grateful to be able to walk this journey together.

Cindi:

That's right. Make sure to subscribe so you don't miss the next episode. And we'll see you next time on Love in the Hard.

Patrick:

Remember love is worth it, even in the hard.

Cindi:

God bless. Hey friend, thanks for listening. If you got something out of this episode, be sure to follow or subscribe to Love in the Hard on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you listen, so you never miss a new episode. Please take time to leave a review, especially if you listen on Apple Podcasts. This will help more people access honest conversations about building lasting relationships, resilience through life's hardest moments and mindset shifts to overcome self-doubt.

Patrick:

And if you're really feeling it, go ahead and screenshot this episode on your phone and share it on social media. Tag us at loving the hard on Facebook and Instagram and we'll be sure to reshare your post. Thanks again for listening. We'll see you next time, Thank you.