Love In The Hard

Scars of Strength: Embracing Faith and Healing Through Life's Trials

• Cindi and Patrick Pistelli • Season 1 • Episode 2

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What if the scars from our past could be transformed into symbols of strength and resilience? Join us as we share our deeply personal stories of overcoming harrowing challenges, including rape, car accidents, and loss. Through the lens of faith and forgiveness, we explore how these experiences have not only shaped our perceptions but also equipped us to support others walking similar paths. Central to this journey is the comforting message of hope from Jeremiah 29:11, which assures us of a prosperous future crafted by divine hands.  We take a closer look at the unexpected yet powerful ways God has spoken to us throughout our lives, illustrating the mysterious and often confounding nature of divine orchestration. From revelations about our roles as pastor's wives to life-altering moves, we recount these stories to highlight how God uses life's events to guide us towards our purpose. While the journey has not been without doubt and disbelief, it has ultimately led to profound connections and deep understanding, particularly in love and relationships.  In the midst of a challenging custody battle, we found solace and strength through an unexpected wave of support that transformed our fear into faith. In this episode, we share practical tools for those with emotional scars, such as the power of journaling, professional support, and spiritual practices like prayer and scripture study. We also emphasize the importance of self-care, from worship music to setting healthy boundaries, to help listeners appreciate their scars as badges of courage. As we share our journey, we invite you to reflect on your own, fostering a sense of community and hope for a brighter tomorrow.

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Patrick:

They say that every scar tells a story, but how do you move from just surviving the pain to truly living with purpose? If you're struggling to find the why behind your trials, then this episode is for you.

Cindi:

Today we're going to open up just a little and share some of our scars that we've carried. We're not sharing our open wounds because we truly believe that God is healing those, but our scars remind us of where we've been and how far God has brought us.

Cindi:

Hey friends, welcome to Love in the Hard, where we share our journey of resilience, faith and transformation, diving into raw real life challenges like overcoming past trauma, self-doubt and building a strong, loving family, all with the hope of inspiring others to see God's hand in their own stories.

Patrick:

We are Patrick and Cindi Pistelli, and we are here to remind you that you are not alone. There's hope even when life feels tough. So grab a seat and let's get real.

Cindi:

Welcome back to Love in the Hard. We're so excited to have you here for our second episode. Today we're diving deeper into the heart of our story the pain, the brokenness and, most importantly, the way God used all of it to prepare us for each other. This episode is all about how God can redeem even the most difficult moments in our lives.

Patrick:

That's right. We believe there's so much power in sharing not just the highlights but also the struggles. That is the epitome of vulnerability, and it's in these moments that God can really begin to show up and do the work that he needs to do in us.

Cindi:

But before we talk about where we are now, we think it's really important to share where we've been, because one thing that we can all agree on is you know, unfortunately we're going to go through pain in our life, and it's through those challenges, at least for us, where we really saw God begin shaping our story.

Patrick:

Yeah, these experiences have shaped who we are, how we see the world and how we see and relate to other people in our lives, but maybe most importantly, it has impacted how we see ourselves. So, Hon, would you mind sharing some of the scars that have shaped you?

Cindi:

hey've. So I'm just gonna say like I think it's important to state that I have done a lot of healing on these. I've done a lot of forgiving. So these things that I'm going to share, they aren't where I am now and they're things that have shaped my life and they have shaped some decisions that I made. But I find it very important to always remember forgiveness in everything, because the fact of the matter is, we all see things through a different lens and these are the things that I've seen through my lens. You might be going through something completely different, but even in that process, I think it's very important to choose forgiveness, even when it's really, really difficult.

Cindi:

So some of the things that I've been through, I experienced a rape when I was 15 and very young to experience that. I was also in a serious car accident. Not quite a year later my dad passed away when I was 19. So all of these things happened before I even turned 20. I was also in a marriage that was abusive and that marriage ended in divorce. I jumped quickly into a long-term relationship that was marked by infidelity and emotional manipulation. I developed an eating disorder for six years, lost a really good friend of mine to suicide, got into another relationship and that relationship also ended in divorce and also went through an extended custody battle. I know we've already shared that we've experienced loss.

Patrick:

I am so sorry that you had to experience all those things, but I know that God used them to mold you into who he wanted you to be. So how did all of those experiences impact the way that you saw life and also the way that you saw yourself?

Cindi:

I think when you experience those things at such a young age and all before, honestly, your brains even finished developing, it really impacts how you see the world, how you see relationships, how you see every experience. Really that you come in contact with Losing a parent when you're young and 13 days before you give birth to your first child, you know you wonder a lot of why does my daughter have to grow up without knowing her grandpa? Or, you know, you ask a lot of these questions why did this happen? Why did I have to go through this? But now, being on the other side of it, I can see where God was working the whole time, because now that I'm in the ministry, I am faced with these things from people going through them. And had I not had those situations in my life, and especially at a young age, where I had to learn how to navigate life through that trauma, I wouldn't be as compassionate and I wouldn't be able to really help somebody who's going through this now.

Patrick:

I love that outlook on the troubles and trials and difficulties that you went through. So when you were going through that, did you have a specific scripture that maybe carried you through some of those difficult times?

Cindi:

Yes, the scripture that has always stuck out to me is Jeremiah 29: 11. "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord plans to prosper you and not to hurt you. Plans to give you hope and a future. So I really clung to this verse, because it doesn't mean that everything's going to be great, you know, but it gives you hope. So when I hear giving hope and a future, I mean it obviously helped me get through the moments when I was going through those. But when I really think of a hope and a future, it's not here, it's eternal.

Patrick:

And I think that scripture really resonated with you through the custody battle as well. But I love that scripture because it's so powerful. But there are some lessons behind that scripture that we don't often understand. So the context of that scripture is the children of Israel were in captivity and there were some prophets that were telling them, you know, just kind of bide your time, you don't have to worry about getting comfortable, because this isn't going to last for a long period of time. But Jeremiah told them that is not what God had said. He encouraged them that there was indeed hope and that God did indeed have a plan for them, but that they were to continue living until the plan was fulfilled. He told them to go out and build houses and build vineyards and just live life. Continue to live life even in the midst of the trial.

Cindi:

I think that's so important to bring up, because when you're in the midst of a trial, it really is very easy to just want to quit and just give up. But we're not promised that life is going to be easy. We're promised we're going to go through trials. We're going to have situations come up that are not going to be easy, and it's important to just remember to persevere through it, to keep going.

Cindi:

There was something that came up for me when I was going through my custody battle and I was kind of wrestling with God at the time because it was so much. I had gone through it for two years and I remember very vividly standing outside and I cried. I remember just telling God I'll walk through the fire, but just promise me that when I get to the other side that I won't be burned. Because I knew that it was a testing of my faith at that time and I knew that, no matter what the outcome was, he was in control. And so if I needed to walk through the fire to learn whatever it was that I needed to learn from that, I was willing to do that. I just wanted to make sure that when I came out I had gained knowledge, I had gained understanding and, you know, came out stronger on the other side of that. So how about you, dear? I know you've been through a lot as well. So what are some of the scars that you wrestle with?

Patrick:

So for me, my parents got divorced when I was young, so I came from a broken home. My dad got sick shortly after and had to move away, So, I was only able to see him a couple of times a year. I lost a friend in a car accident when we were seniors and even though I wasn't responsible for that, I kind of took it on as though it was my fault, and so I carried a lot of guilt and shame associated with that. And then this you know I've never shared this with anyone else other than you, and that was just within the past year but when I was in college I met a friend at a church event and he began to groom me for some sexual purposes, and I fortunately recognized that and was able to get away from that. But even though nothing happened, it still left me carrying a great deal of shame. I lost my little sister when she was only 28 years old. She had just given birth to her son, and then I suffered infidelity in my first marriage and that marriage ended in divorce. So those are some of the things that I experienced in my life that kind of shaped who I was.

Cindi:

So can you share how those things changed the way you thought about yourself, thought about life, thought about relationships moving forward?

Patrick:

Yeah, I think that probably the biggest thing was that I just I didn't feel like the world was a safe place. Not that I was concerned for my physical safety, but emotionally it taught me that you can't trust this world and you can't trust people, which caused me to take my emotions, my feelings, and to kind of bottle them up and not ever let anybody see that part of who I was. And so, as a result of that, it made me fearful. I was afraid to be myself. I was afraid to let anybody see who I really was. I was afraid to let them see my fears. So, yeah, it just really caused some trust issues really with everybody that I came into contact with.

Cindi:

If you had a verse that came to mind during that time, what would that be? Came to mind during that time, what would that be?

Patrick:

It was Genesis, chapter 50, verse number 20. What is going on in this story is that Joseph, when he was young, he had been sold into slavery by his brothers. They were jealous, they hated him, so they sold him to some slave traders. He ended up being wrongly accused and spent some time in an Egyptian prison and then, eventually, he rose to the position of second in command over the entire land of Egypt. A famine came into the land and Joseph's brothers, who did not know that he was still alive, came to him because he was the governor, in order to buy some food. Came to him because he was the governor in order to buy some food.

Patrick:

When he finally revealed himself to them, they were afraid, but Joseph's response was this he said you meant this for evil, to harm me, but God meant this for good, so that he could save the lives of many people. And so, as I think about that scripture and how it applies to not just my life but your life and our story, I can see that, while there may have been things that we experienced in our lives that really had a significant negative impact on us, that God was using those things for his good, and, as I think back on this. It's one of the things that, early on in our relationship, we knew that God was going to use our stories from the past and our story together to be an encouragement to other people that are going through the same thing. So that's really the verse that has helped me through all of these things that I've experienced.

Cindi:

Yeah, and scars, I mean they don't just remind us of our pain. What a scar is? Is they remind us of our healing? Even when I've had my children and I got the stretch marks, I look at those as I became a mother. You know, I don't look at those as a bad thing because you know, through that I was able to bring life into this world, and so we can look back and and see the promise, see the hope that that we had. Now that we're on the other side of it.

Patrick:

I think it's important, too, to understand that we don't wear these scars as a badge of honor. We don't brag about them and we're not sharing them with you today in order to get some type of sympathy, but we're sharing these things so that you can see that we have been through some stuff, just like you have. In the midst of all that dear, were there any moments in your journey that you just knew that God was speaking to you?

Cindi:

Yeah, I had a couple. How many of us really understand that sometimes, when God speaks to us, we're going what? It just doesn't make any sense at the time. So one time that sticks out to me very clearly is back in 2009, when God showed me that I was going to be a pastor's wife, and at the time I was in a relationship with somebody else, and so it really just did not make any sense that that was going to happen, because it was so far out. It was eight years later that it even came to be. It was just so far out of the realm of possibility that I couldn't understand why God was telling me this. And of course, then I wrestled with. You know, maybe he didn't say that, maybe that was me saying that, but why would I come up with that, you know? And then, obviously, when we met, that became very clear that he wasn't done with using us in the ministry, that our story was still able to be told.

Cindi:

Another time was in 2017.

Cindi:

And I remember it was January. I was standing in my kitchen and I remember very clearly that it just came over me that I was going to be moving soon, and I've lived in my house for 12 years at the time, and again, that didn't make any sense because by this time I was, I was divorced, I was already through the pain of that and really, you know, living a life that I enjoyed. I had my kids, we were able to travel, we were able to do things, and so when he said that I was going to be moving, I had my kids, we were able to travel, we were able to do things, and so when he said that I was going to be moving, I was just like, well, that's weird, where am I going? So, and then, of course, in July of that year is when we met, and then again, things became very clear. So, two of the things that he, that he showed me in 2009, and in 2017, all lined up with meeting each other.

Cindi:

So, a lot of times when God speaks, even if we don't understand it, he's already working behind the scenes.

Patrick:

And that's something we've both experienced. God often plants seeds in the middle of the confusion and we don't always see how they will grow, but he is always moving.

Cindi:

So those are a couple of moments that I had. So what were some moments for you that you knew God was speaking to you?

Patrick:

For me it was when I first saw your profile on Christian Mingle. I knew that there was something special about you. I just I remember reading your profile in addition to the fact that you are absolutely stunning and gorgeous and my first thought was maybe this isn't real, because somebody like her doesn't need a profile on a dating site to get a date. But I read your profile and it said that you were a Christ follower and you were just looking for someone that you could do life with, and that just really spoke to me and I knew that it was God that was telling me this is the one that I have chosen for you. So I remember I sent you a message and in that message I said, "I don't know if these dating sites really work, but if God is in this, somehow we'll connect.

Cindi:

That's right, and I actually never saw that message. But we did have a mutual friend that we both met about the same time over 20 years ago, then reconnected with her about the same time 10 years ago as well, so she was able to connect us together. It just it goes along with showing you that God is constantly moving, long before we even have the need. He's in control and he's moving.

Patrick:

So I want to be clear about something here, since we're talking about these things that we've experienced. Sometimes people have a tendency to believe that the things we experience in our life are because God caused them to happen, and I just want to clarify that we're not saying that God caused any of these things in our lives to happen, but what he does is he uses those things to shape us into who he needs us to be. So do bad things happen to us. Yes, he is in control of things, but he also gives us a free will, which means we have the ability to choose our actions. Other people have the ability to choose their actions. Sometimes their choices impact us, our choices impact us, and sometimes it's a combination between the two. But then we have these experiences that change the way that we see the world around us. But even in those times, god intends to use that to mold us into the person that he created us to be, so that we can do what he has called us to do.

Cindi:

So, just going back real quick kind of to how we met, I thought he was crazy, honestly, when he told me that he knew that he was going to marry me before he even met me. That didn't again make any sense to me. But like we were saying earlier, you know, God showed him that, but God didn't show me that. So when we were ending our first date it was probably three in the morning we're sitting in a Steak and Shake parking lot and I remember telling you that I needed to go because I had to be at work the next morning. I remember, as I was getting out of the car, you said hey, and I remember stopping because I thought, oh, here we go, he's going to ask to kiss me. But you didn't say that. You said would it be okay if I prayed with you? And so in that moment for me that's when I knew this was different, he was different and that God was in the center of this.

Patrick:

Listen, guys, if you want to see a change in your relationship and if you want to see God do something incredible in your wife's life and in your life, pray with her. I remember that we had a day not too long ago that was a pretty challenging day for both of us and we were talking to a friend and the friend asked me do you ever pray for your wife? I said, yeah, I pray for her every day. And he said but do you ever pray with her? And I said no, I don't. And he said, if you want to see a change in your life and your wife's life, pray with her.

Patrick:

And we're not always perfect, we don't always do that, but we do try to make it a point to pray with each other on a daily basis, because it just reconnects us to one another and it reconnects us to God. So, yeah, if you want to see a change in your marriage, guys, make it a point to pray with your wife. So there are still times in our lives that those scars from the past rear their ugly head and they try to drag us back to the past that we've left behind. So what are some things that you have done in your own life in order to overcome that tendency to break open the scar.

Cindi:

Yeah. So I think for me I had a few different things that I did. One of them that was probably the most important thing that I did was I really got into scripture. So when I was going through the custody battle, I just really took that time to get close to God. I really took that time to dive into my Bible and learn what he was saying.

Cindi:

Because when you're going through something like that, where you fear losing your child, you can have a lot of negative thoughts that come into your mind, and so when those negative thoughts would come up, I would have to really try to, you know, put myself not only in their shoes and see it from their perspective, but also realize that we're all sinners and so if I'm a sinner as well and God gives me grace through all the things that I do, then who am I not to give grace to someone else? So being able to dive into the scriptures, being able to really develop that relationship with God in that time, helped me to see the situation a little bit different. It was still hard, it was still extremely painful and still very scary going through it, but it equipped me with just a new outlook and a place to turn to give me comfort in that time.

Patrick:

So I remember you telling me a story about a time, in the midst of that custody battle, where you just had a really, really raw and vulnerable moment with God. So can you share that story with us?

Cindi:

Yeah, it was actually after our very first day of court and we were in court for three days, so there was a whole lot going on and, of course, I didn't get a chance to take the stand until the third day. I just remember my attorney telling me like this doesn't look good for you, and so many emotions were coming up and you know, he just made the comment he's like we just got killed in there. And so, of course, every day I would show him scripture and I would say today's going to be a good day. Look at the scripture. Today's going to be a good day, look at today's devotion. In that moment, when he said that, I remember going back to my room we got a hotel room there because we were there for three days.

Cindi:

So I remember going back to my room and I, honestly, was just mad, and so I remember being very vulnerable in that time and I got down on my knees and I said are you even real? Are you even here? I need to know. I need to know now, and you know I don't recommend doing that with God. But in that moment my emotions took over and that's just what happened.

Cindi:

And what happened next was incredible, because God showed up in an incredible way. Within seconds, my phone started blowing up with text messages. There had been a prayer chain that went out, and it just so happened that at that very moment, that is when they all came through, and so I'm getting all of these text messages over and over hey, we're praying for you. Hey just want you to know you're not alone. Hey just want you to just want you to know that we're thinking of you. So all of these things happen and, honestly, from that moment on, I didn't have any fear anymore. I knew that God was with me. I knew that, no matter what happened, he was there and it was going to be okay.

Patrick:

It's amazing when God shows up like that. So what are some other tools or some other advice that you might give people who are either still find themselves in the midst of the trial or they're still struggling with those scars?

Cindi:

I think a really good thing to do and so many people kind of roll their eyes at this sometimes, but is to journal.

Cindi:

So you know, if you can write down your thoughts and your feelings just to help you process those emotions and gain some clarity, I think that's just a really, really great thing to do. I know I was able to write things down because sometimes, when you write them down, you're going to say things or process through things differently than if you're just thinking them or even if you're talking to somebody else. With talking to somebody else, though, I am going to say if you're going through something, reach out. There are so many therapists and coaches that can help you get through these. One of the things that we offer is coaching for people. So if that's something that you're going through, reach out to a coach and let them walk you through that, because you don't have to go through that alone.

Cindi:

Prayer is another great thing. If you're a believer, reach out to people, ask for prayer, but also pray yourself. You know, really get alone with God and say you know I need wisdom, I need you to show me, give me a vision for what I need to see right now. Prayer was huge for me during that time. And again, scripture study, get into the Word, because a lot of times you know that's how God talks to us, so it's through His Word and so when we're struggling with stuff, a lot of times we can find it right there. It's amazing how he tends to direct us right to where we go. Worship music is great, sometimes just cranking that radio up and you know just singing at the top of your lungs. Just get outside and walk some gentle movement, yoga, walking, stretching it just can help relieve the stored tension in your body. You know even just what you eat eat the nutritious foods, drink water, getting enough sleep. You know we've all heard this stuff all the time.

Cindi:

I remember for myself there were certain times where it was like just taking a shower took everything out of me, because I was so deep in that grief that you know, just getting out of bed and doing your everyday routine was difficult. But getting up and choosing to do that, I know just getting out of bed and doing your everyday routine was difficult, but getting up and choosing to do that, I think that's extremely important, but also setting boundaries Sometimes. You just need to learn to say no and create a safe space for yourself and rebuild a sense of control and protection, because, depending on what you've gone through, that can be extremely important, and sometimes we just need to take time for ourself and really put our needs first in that moment. I think another thing that was important for me during that time is and this came out in my journal writing as well was to practice gratitude, because sometimes, when we're so far into it, we have a hard time seeing things that we need to be grateful for.

Cindi:

And you know, every day that we get up, every day that we get to be on this earth is a day to be grateful for, and a lot of times we don't realize things until we don't have them. And just getting up and being able to say thank you for being, you know, thank you for allowing me to be here another day, thank you for, you know, the ability to get up and walk, Thank you for the breath that I have in my lungs. You know, sometimes these things they seem so like we just take them for granted until we don't have that anymore. So I know I just kind of ran through those really quick. So now we want to ask you you know what are the scars you're carrying and really take the time this week to reflect on that,

Patrick:

yeah,

Patrick:

maybe even write it down.

Patrick:

It's so powerful to look back and see how far you've come and if you're still in the middle of the pain, remember this God isn't finished yet.

Cindi:

That's so true. If you're breathing, your story is still continuing, so we'd love to hear your story. Please feel free to reach out to us on Instagram or Facebook. At Loving the Hard, we really want to walk alongside you in this journey and, again, like I said, if you are looking for somebody to talk to, if you are needing a coach or anybody to just reach out to, we're here. We're available to you.

Patrick:

Next time we're diving into a topic that hits close to home for both of us, it's letting go of guilt and shame. It's something we've both wrestled with, but God's grace has shown us how to replace guilt with freedom.

Cindi:

We'll also be sharing some more practical tips for forgiving yourself and forgiving others, even when that task seems impossible. So you don't want to miss it.

Patrick:

So until then, just know this Scars don't define you. They remind you of the healing. God's not done writing your story. And love is worth it, even in the hard.

Cindi:

God bless.

Cindi:

Hey friend, thanks for listening. If you got something out of this episode, be sure to follow or subscribe to Love in the Hard on Apple Podcasts, spotify or wherever you listen, so you never miss a new episode. Please take time to leave a review, especially if you listen on Apple Podcasts. This will help more people access honest conversations about building lasting relationships, resilience through life's hardest moments and mindset shifts to overcome self-doubt.

Patrick:

And if you're really feeling it, go ahead and screenshot this episode on your phone and share it on social media. Tag us at Loving the Hard on Facebook and Instagram and we'll be sure to reshare your post. Thanks again for listening. We'll see you next time.